Mental Health · Music · Travel

Rocky Mountain Why

When we landed at Denver International Airport after flying from Paris, via Chicago, jetlag was weighing on my eyelids, trying to remind me that it was 4:00AM Paris time rather than 8:00PM MDT, which was the time showing on my phone’s lock screen after turning off airplane mode. We’d had a feeling that this rapid time zone switch would try to snaggle our plans for the next day, but were we going to let it? No siree, thank you very much, but more on that in a little bit.

As the flight attendants strolled the aisles of our international flight, offering complimentary alcohol and sugary drinks, we said, “Just water, please,” because when you’re jumping time zones like a pioneering, turbo cricket, not to mention, going to a place that is located at a higher altitude than you’re used to, staying hydrated is your best asset for success.

On the hotel shuttle from Denver International to the Staybridge Suites, the shuttle driver decided it was trivia time. Our shuttle mates, a family of six, were game to partake, their flight to Milwaukee delayed until the morning.

“What’s the coldest letter in the alphabet and why?” said the shuttle driver.

I could not care less, I thought.

The Milwaukee-bound family, a mother and father and four daughters, seemed like geniuses as they threw out guess after guess from the seats in front of and behind us. Compared to us with our mushy brains fixed only on the concept of sleep just within our grasp, they were, at least.

“Nope…nope…nope…” said the driver, responding to one guess after the next, after the next.

Eventually, after the Milwaukee crew was all guessed out, he said, “You give up?”

Yes. Milwaukee agreed.

“The answer is B… because it’s always surrounded by AC.”

Ok. That’s pretty good, actually, I thought. Maybe I’ll even remember it.

We checked into the airport hotel and crashed after the minimum level of settling in. Showers could wait until the morning. Laundry too. We’d accomplished our goal. We’d stayed awake until roughly 5:00AM Paris time to get on Colorado time and make sure we’d be able to stay up even later the next night. The bed was the most comfortable airport hotel bed I’ve ever had the pleasure of sleeping in.

After a leisurely breakfast at the complimentary buffet the next morning, laundry, showers, and some strategic repacking, we picked up our rental car and hit the road, bound for our first stop of the day, Denver’s Washington Park neighborhood, known to locals simply as “Wash Park”.

Since we had ambitious plans for later that evening (ambitious only when framed by the aforementioned time zone swap), the plan for the day was to take it easy, do some exploring, and squeeze in a nap somewhere along the way.

As we strolled past a pretty garden along the north end of Grassmere Lake Loop in Wash Park, we learned to steer clear of the squirrels, these being larger and more aggressive than those we were accustomed to. These are mountain squirrels, I thought. Put the word mountain in front of anything and it instantly becomes more, more impressive, more intimidating, more majestic; don’t you think?

I spotted two googly eyes looking up at us from just under the surface of the lake and took a picture for Gemini to tell me what it was. Carp. He has eyes, I thought, Paris still so fresh on my mind.

After our stroll, we stopped by a stationary store on South Gaylord Street so I could stock up on some cards for a few fall birthdays and then continued up the block for some lunch at Wash Park Social. We sat out on the front terrace, trying to keep “cafĂ© culture” alive in our hearts for as long as we could, wishing it was more of a thing in the US, like it is in Paris.

We ordered a strawberry salad with grilled chicken and an appetizer called The Trio to share. Soon, our food was brought to our table and I marveled at the vibrant, colorful display of The Trio- hummus, pepita muhammara, and almond green ricotta with fresh baked bread. Mountain beautiful, not to mention mountain delicious too.

Our bellies full and our next hotel check-in time approaching, we headed back on the road, this time north towards Boulder. As we got out of the area of Colorado that I think looks like Kansas (though I’ve only ever flown over Kansas, so who am I to judge), the scenery started to become more exciting.

The mountains grew as we drove north and so did my excitement for what was to come later that evening.

We settled in at our next hotel and squeezed in that nap that was on the agenda. I slept about half as much as I’d hoped to, but you get what you get, right? We packed up our rain jackets and water bottles then hit up our hotel’s complimentary happy hour social for some light bites before the evening’s main event.

We’d been to Red Rocks Amphitheatre once before, two years ago, just to see the place. This time, we were going to get to see it in action.

We took the short hike from the Lower North Lot to the venue entrance slowly, taking in the incredible scenery, surrounded by ancient sandstone monoliths, each of them sculpted by the elements over time. We stopped every few stretches of stairs to catch our breath and swig some water. If there is one thing to remember about acclimating to a high altitude, it is that you need to stay hydrated. You’re going to need that extra oxygen; I promise.

I continued up beyond the level of our row to snag some pictures while the dregs of daylight were still available before meeting Mike back down at our seats, passing by the merch line that stretched halfway down the stairs of the venue on my way, sweating in my excess layers.

“I’m so excited!!!” I said, settling into my designated spot on the long concrete bench, shedding my sweater, “Bleachers at Red Rocks!!! Can you take my picture?”

Have you ever had something influence your happiness so much that you feel like it found you just when you needed it most? I’m talking right place, right time kind of serendipity. That’s what the band Bleachers is for me.

I’m a writer. It’s more of a hobby at this point, than anything else I guess, but hey, it’s what “I do” and that means something to me. Writing can be a lonely pursuit sometimes, unfortunately. Writers tend to spend a lot of time in their heads, guided by creative pathways of their own making. Sometimes the pathways are lit by full daylight. Sometimes, by fading dusk. Sometimes only the streetlights are on. And that’s when you’re lucky.

There was a time, years ago, while I was working on a novel, when I’d written myself into a corner yet again and those streetlights went out and a dense, unnavigable dark was what I could see ahead of me.

Music was a guide to the circuit breaker, a flashlight beam in the dark.

Bleachers found me after I’d canceled my Amazon Music Unlimited subscription, instead choosing to go with the sub included with my Prime account. How it worked was I’d plug Vampire Weekend song titles into the search bar and get one or two, followed by suggestions for other songs and bands that were totally new to me. Guess who popped up? It starts with the coldest letter in the alphabet.

It started with Dream of Mickey Mantle, a homing beacon, if I may. I followed it blindly, a spark that set me on a path that would lead me to feeling enlightened in more ways than one. Monumental changes in my physical and mental wellbeing, re-sculpting of my perception of success, and clarity for what my writing voice and style would become.

Now that we’ve gotten that little personal history out of the way, we’ve got a show to reminisce about! A truly incredible one, at that.

As the opener, American Football, was nearing the end of their set, it started to rain. We knew there was a good chance it would, but fear not! We came prepared. We weren’t gonna let a little water get in the way of a good time. We zipped up our rain jackets and pulled our hoods up.

While we waited as the crew turned the stage over, Mike took my picture in my rain gear and we decided that I looked like a big, happy, slug lady and as a slug lady, what I choose to “cling” to from that description most is happy, right? Not slug. Definitely not slug…

Jack Antonoff and the boys took the stage to Frank Sinatra’s My Way and I could feel my smile testing the limits of my face. On a normal day, my smile is bigger than most out there. My friend once described it as seeing every tooth in Beth’s head. From the roar of the crowd, I’m sure I wasn’t the only one experiencing a sense of sheer joy.

Live music is one of my “whys“, I think. When I’m at a live show for a band that I love, I get a major sense of this is why I exist, to be here and to experience this. There are other “whys”, of course, but since we’re talking about music, I just thought I’d mention it.

The boys opened with Sideways from their latest album, Everyone for Ten Minutes, jumping into The Van next, followed by one of our favorites, the high energy Modern Girls. The crowd knew all the words, older stuff, newer stuff, it didn’t matter.

At one point, Jack reminded the audience that he was from New Jersey, which is unnecessary since his music evokes the home state that we share in so many songs, one of the reasons why Bleachers resonated so strongly with me in the first place, I think. He called out to the audience.

Jack: Who came from really, really far away to be here tonight?

Most of the audience: Woooo!

Jack: Who came from around the corner?

Rest of the audience: Woooo!

Red Rocks Amphitheatre draws crowds from across the world to Morrison, CO, in the foothills of the Rocky Mountains. It makes for an incredible concert-going experience. Pretty much everyone in the crowd is a massive fan and it gives a pulse to being in the audience like no other venue I have experienced before.

Boulders, sky, rain, music, and joy. Pure bliss; I’m telling you.

Jack tested out an acoustic version of one of the band’s first hits, I Wanna Get Better, transforming what is usually an energetic, pop rock jam into a confessional folk ballad that did perhaps a better job at highlighting the song’s themes of grief and recognizing when you’ve gone a bit off the rails and need help outside yourself to get back on track. He told the audience he wanted to perform it as he’d written it. There is plenty of space in the world for both versions, in my opinion.

Ricky Antonoff, Jack’s dad, joined the band onstage to perform one of my absolute favorites, How Dare You Want More. I love this one for its insane energy, guitar/saxophone duel, drum beat, sax solo, and the sense of community it evokes. I particularly love the second chorus on this one.

The boys went on to play the song that started it all, the first song Jack ever wrote for Bleachers, Rollercoaster, a full on crowd pleaser at every Bleachers show we’ve ever been to, following it with Tiny Moves, Don’t Take the Money, and I Wanna Get Better– as recorded.

The show ended with the song from one of my favorite music videos ever, Stop Making this Hurt. The video for this song was shot at the Bendix Diner on Route 17 in Hasbrouck Heights, New Jersey and features all the members of the band as well as Jack’s sister, Rachel Antonoff.

As a Jersey girl who divided my non-school hours, growing up, between the shore, goofing around at my friends’ houses, my sister’s soccer games, various diner booths, and concerts, the video felt all kinds of nostalgic for me (and maybe got me craving some fries with gravy too, just a little bit).

The altitude cut the regular Bleachers concert outro short, the only possible negative of the night. By the time the lights came on and most of the crowd had filtered out, I turned to Mike and said, “I don’t want to leave.”

We took our time heading back to the car, taking the stairs out of the venue slowly, soaking up every last possible second of the experience and location that we could of our night in the foothills of the Rockies with the band that starts with the coldest letter in the alphabet, experiencing pure joy in the rain and the sound, under the open sky.

It was 6:30AM Paris time, but we were powered by our lingering excitement, not wanting to come down from that high.

The day after the show, we did a little exploring on Boulder’s Pearl Street Mall. We stopped for some lunch at Pizza Alberico and ordered a panini and a pizza to share. I opted to pair the Grand Teton Brewing Amber Ale with my meal and it was malty and delicious. Fall fans, rejoice!

We strolled the pedestrian street and set our sights on Boulder Bookstore where I bought myself a little souvenir which I’ve since started into.

We headed to Chautauqua Park next for a walk at the foothills of The Flatirons and take in the scenery. We even met this soul-staring bear outside the General Store.

“What’s the brewery called again?” I said as we got back in the car.

“Upslope Brewing,” said Mike.

I plugged it into Google Maps and we were on our way.

We ordered a flight to share (to start) and grabbed a table outside to enjoy the view of the mountains, because, you know, café culture and all that. That, and mountains, of course. We really enjoyed all the different brews we tried at Upslope. My particular favorite was their Spruce Tip IPA which tasted like a forest, if that makes sense.

On our last day in Colorado, we got an early start and drove up to Estes Park with an 8:00-10:00AM timed-entry reservation for Bear Lake Road in Rocky Mountain National Park. Because of a nor’easter set to hit back home, we’d moved up our flight by one day, so we were pretty short on time, but there was still one last must-see of mine before we headed home. We set Dream Lake in our sights, and, though a little cloudier than on our last visit, it was no less impressive.

We stocked up on some souvenirs in Estes Park for a couple kiddos we know before heading back towards the airport, through the part of Colorado that looks like Kansas, the mountains shrinking in the rearview mirrors of our rental car.

Until next time, we thought, before heading back home.

Books · Health & Lifestyle

On Love Languages

On one of my visits to the library this past summer, I approached the circulation desk and set down the book that I’d come to check out. As I fished out my library card, the librarian picked up the book, beamed down at the cover and said with giddy satisfaction, “Ooh! A love story!”

I can see how she might have gotten confused. The cover did have a couple embracing on a beach, backlit by a sunset, after all. I had also just finished reading Stephen King’s horror fantasy epic, The Dark Tower series and could see why she might be relieved to see me choosing something a little more frivolous in nature from the shelves.

As a seed of intrigue began to grow within me, I wondered if I should correct her or not. On the one hand, I wanted to see her reaction. This felt important, for some reason. For me, for her, and for the library assistant who was an innocent bystander throughout this entire exchange. On the other hand, it was almost guaranteed to spawn an awkward situation. I decided to lean into the awkwardness, mostly just out of curiosity, wanting to see what would happen.

“More of a self help book, actually,” I said.

The librarian looked down at the cover again and I watched as her expression turned from confusion to alarm as she read the title and the subtitle there. The 5 Love Languages, The Secret to Love That Lasts.

Hindsight caught up with me immediately and I thought to myself, Now, why did you do that, Beth? This poor woman.

She scanned my library card quickly, cleared her throat, and said, “Well, good luck.”

She pushed the book back toward me across the counter. And with that, I walked out of the library trying to suppress a smile until I was clear from view.

I took Gary Chapman’s acclaimed book out of the library that day after having had a recent conversation about it on a family vacation this summer. That conversation was not the first time that I had heard about the book or been asked by friends, to my own confusion, “What’s your love language?” That conversation did, however, pique my interest enough in Gary Chapman’s process to want to read the book for myself and see what all the buzz was about.

It took me a few hours to read through the entire book on that summer day. I enjoyed the direct language and the real-life anecdotes sprinkled throughout the guide and once I was through, I took the assessment at the end to identify what I had come to learn in the first place, my own love language.

According to Gary Chapman, the five love languages of human relationships are as follows:

Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Receiving Gifts, Quality Time, and Physical Touch.

These categories do not only pertain to how you receive love romantically, but how you receive love in your other relationships as well, such as with family members, friends, and community members.

As I read through the book, I found myself trying to identify how different family members and friends might best receive love and could see how expressing love towards them via my own receiving love language or my secondary love language, would not be equally sufficient across the board for them all.

According to the assessment, my primary love language ended up being “Words of Affirmation”. This tracks, friends. Of course it’s the words one, right? When I think of the times I feel most loved, it is because someone is expressing positive sentiments towards me with their words and tone. The times when I feel least loved can be traced back to hurtful or indifferent words and / or harsh delivery. I had been wondering as I read if my language would be “Words of Affirmation” or “Acts of Service”, as I found myself reflecting on how I communicate love to others and noticed that I naturally express love through acts of service.

As I told my husband about my takeaways from reading the book, I asked him if he felt loved when I did things like doing the laundry, the dishes, or cleaning the house. He looked at me, confused, as I imagined he would, as though it was crazy to think anyone would feel love from such acts. Some people do, ok! My person, however, does not, and it’s helpful to know that now. I made a quick mental note, then and there, that I would need to make a conscious adjustment in how I express love, catering toward my loved ones’ suspected languages, rather than relying on my own natural tendencies to effectively accomplish that task.

It was funny to me how quickly I went from being a little embarrassed about checking out a relationship self-help book from the library to sharing the merits of said book with my closest friends. Having checked the book out with the goal of improving my skills in communication, I wanted to share the resource because, in my opinion, it’s nice to have the information before you actually need it. And though it’s nice to think you aren’t going to need it, the truth is, there might come a moment where it could offer some support that you might not naturally be equipped with in your mental and emotional arsenal. In other words, relationships can be hard sometimes. The most important things often are, though, aren’t they?

In anticipation of Valentine’s Day which is coming up this week (but also just for everyday lovin’), here are some suggestions for how to show love for each of the love language categories:

Words of Affirmation:

Verbally express positive sentiments toward your loved one via phrases such as these: “I love you because…” “I’m proud of you for…” “I appreciate how you…” “You look beautiful/handsome.” “You are smart.” “You are talented.” “I love it when you smile.”

For Words of Affirmation people, remember that tone plays as much of a role as the words themselves do. Sincerity and a light, positive tone can go a long way with these word lovers.

Acts of Service:

Do something for your partner, friend, or family member. It helps to know the types of services that they would be the most grateful for, of course. That might be a learning process to figure out, though try thinking back to conversations you might have had with them. For example, is there a chore that your partner always does that they don’t particularly enjoy doing, such as doing the dishes or figuring out what to do or make for dinner? Why not take that off their hands once in a while, unprompted, even if it does not feel natural to do so.

Other examples could be decluttering a space, taking the car for an oil change, taking the dog for a walk, meal prepping, taking out the trash and recycling, or giving them a shoulder massage.

Receiving Gifts:

Does your partner light up at the sight of a little gift bag or a bouquet of flowers? Do they show unbridled joy for that meme you saw and texted them just because it made you think of them? You might have yourself a partner then whose love language is gifts.

“Gifts” don’t have to be expensive to be appreciated. It helps if they are thoughtful or personal somehow- a flower picked on a walk in the park together for example or a seashell from the beach, just something you came across with them in mind is all it really takes. That being said, purchased items are appreciated by gift lovers as well. Try to get a sense of the things your partner gravitates towards when shopping or travelling to get a better sense of something that would not only make them feel loved, but be practical and enjoyable for them as well beyond just being a positive association with you.

Quality Time:

Making time for loved ones might not come naturally to everyone, but it certainly goes a long way for people who have Quality Time as their love language. Don’t scroll on your phone at dinner. Be present and listen to your partner and ask them about their day. If your partner isn’t a big talker, maybe you do the talking by bringing up an article you read or an interesting YouTube Video you recently watched or an advertisement for a travel destination that you noticed on your commute.

I just finished reading a great novel, A Gentleman in Moscow by, Amor Towles, in which two characters enjoy playing a particular game every time they are waiting for their dinner to come at a restaurant where they establish a category, such as ‘things with stripes’ or ‘famous trios’ and alternate naming examples with the goal of being the last to run out of examples.

Play a boardgame, do a puzzle, talk about your goals for the future. Just remember that quantity is not the same as quality, so make sure the time is filled with conversation or an experience and not idle.

Physical Touch:

Even so much as sitting next to your partner with some part of you touching them goes far with this love language. There is the obvious, of course, but remember that there is also love in smaller gestures. Holding hands, giving a shoulder massage, giving them a hug or a kiss, even brushing or combing their hair can be ways to show your love for them. For times when you are a not physically near each other, try sending a picture of yourself smiling or adding emojis that represent touch to text messages that you exchange with them, just something to bridge the sensory gap of distance and make you feel closer than you physically are.

I hope this post inspires some of you to reflect on your own relationships and communication styles. Whether your relationship is absolutely perfect or more of the rollercoaster variety, perhaps it is more in your power than you thought to be a better master of your own joy and your ability to create joy for others around you. Not all partners have the same love language and expressing love in a different love language than your own might take some extra work. With that said, the payoff might be bigger than you think and could even lead to a partnership of more consistent mutual enjoyment, fulfillment, and of course, love.

In case you are still wondering about that poor librarian, I regretted making her feel awkward that summer day pretty instantly, but also Mike and I had a good laugh about it later that night when I told him about the exchange. Maybe sometime I should take out a book on being a more socially acceptable human being (or perhaps an actual love story while that same librarian is working) 🙃. I have too many books on my to-read list for now, however, so please take me as I am in the meantime, and thank you for your patience, world.

Though it’s all too commercialized here in the US right now, remember that once the heart-shaped balloons and chocolate boxes are taken down from the shelves, love should still be an everyday priority in each relationship that you have with your loved ones. Thank you all for reading this post and for being part of this community. I am thankful for you all for fueling this creative outlet of mine. 💖

Books · Cozy Posts · Health & Lifestyle · Mental Health · Reviews & Reflections

In Pursuit of Living Well

It’s January once again, friends. The treadmills at the gym are more populated than usual, the temperatures outside are biting and sharp, and the potholes are expanding into craters with each new round of salt and snow.

The December electric bill revealed a number that I was shocked to see, so I’m choosing to live in fleece, chunky sweaters, thermal leggings, and wool socks regularly, to keep the cold at bay and the thermostat a little less high. I boil the kettle a few times a day and bundle up for brisk walks through the park or to the library.

In 2025, our resolution was to travel somewhere different every month and that was fun and a little bit intimidating at the onset, to be entirely honest. We actually managed it though, something I was skeptical would happen if you talked to me this time last year. These trips have enriched our lives and fueled our sense of adventure, though I’m not itching to go anywhere else just yet. The break from constant trip planning and booking and financing is a welcome one. I’m sure I’ll be desperate for some journey sometime soon, but for now, I’ll take the calm with gratitude.

2025 was a year of trying new things, of starting from square one, and of pursuing my creative goals with more focus and intention. The act of writing my January Postcard on this same day last year served as a major catalyst for this switch in my creative approach. Here’s hoping this post leads me to as much motivation as that one did.

I read a few books this year that helped me improve my productivity, nutrition comprehension, and relationships. I am grateful to have come across these books and to the library for having them. I’d recommend them all: Atomic Habits by James Clear, Eat, Drink, and Be Healthy, The Harvard Medical School Guide to Healthy Eating by Walter C. Willett, and The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman, particularly this last one which really had me reflecting on all of the relationships in my life as I read, from that with my husband to that with my family members, my friends, etc. I think that it is extremely important to be conscious of how the people that you love best receive love.

Coffee has not been a part of my diet since mid-April and I’m really proud of myself for this. This is the longest I’ve gone without coffee since before I started drinking it my sophomore year of college. I don’t miss the impulsiveness, the anxiety, and the aggression that accompanied the habit, for me. Whenever I hear a car honking at someone on the road these days, I think, “Somebody hasn’t had their coffee.” No, I don’t miss that agitation for myself one bit.

I haven’t set a resolution for this year yet. Perhaps I’ll aim to be more mindful, to be intentional with what I consume, and to be better at recognizing all the little things that are good rather than all the little things that are bad. I don’t know if a negative bias can be flipped, but I am going to actively try. In broad terms, my resolution is to live well, for myself and for those around me and to not take away from them living well. I will read plenty and write plenty because it gives me a sense of purpose and fulfillment which leads to more happy days. I will spend time in the company of the people who I love and I will be present and grateful.

I hope you are all reading this somewhere warm and pleasant, whether it is at home, in your office, or on your phone. Wherever you are, I challenge you to internalize three things that are good today, as you are, no matter how big or small. Two for me are writing this post and knowing that some of you are reading it. Thank you for being you and for being part of this cozy community. Cheers to all that 2026 has in store for us, the ups, the downs, the learning moments, the successes, and the failures to balance them out and make the good moments really shine. Wherever you are and whatever you do, I hope you are living well. Thanks for reading!

Books · Cozy Posts · Travel

Monday Observations

I’ve been waiting for a cool, gray day where the seagrass sways and the rose of Sharon bows in the damp and the breeze. The curtains billow at the open windows, faithful spectrals awaiting loves long lost at sea. Come back to me, they whisper, unanswered. I don’t have the heart to tell them.

The ocean’s an unraveled bolt of fabric, pre-hemmed with white and ready to cut, too unwieldy for the machine, too expansive for the hand, destined to sit on the shelf, admired and fading, to inspire projects too elaborate for fruition, aspirations never addressed, dreams destined to remain unrealized.

A freighter snails its way along the horizon line, containers catching the view from the highest stack. “Bon voyage, mes amis!” je dis, “Et merci pour votre service!” I’ve been practicing my French again. Montreal’s this week et je suis un peu rouillĂ©e, j’ai peur.

I write at the window, sipping Earl Grey without caffeine, feeling the lack of coffee today, but that’s ok. We cut our demons for a reason, right? We feel the lack of them sometimes, but we must carry on. The golden glow of the table lamps helps to fill the void left behind by coffee’s lack. I savor over-steeped bergamot instead, robust and resonant in flavor. I warm my cheeks, my hands in swirls of steam.

I’m feeling the doubt of sharing a long-form fiction project with a handful of friends a couple of weeks ago now, doubt being my greatest talent, or at least sometimes that’s how it feels. I bolster myself. Have courage; it’s there somewhere inside your head, in your heart, in your gut. Be proud of your words, that collage of letters, chapters, characters built in your mind. You love them and they deserve the chance to be read.

It’s Monday and I’m getting excited for the new adventures this week will bring, the sights and smells and tastes and sounds of a place I’ve never set foot in before. This week, I also anticipate finishing reading a series that I’ve been reading for over a year now.

I went to forty-sixth and second in New York. They sell roses at the market on the corner across from Dag Hammarskjöld Plaza. There is no turtle in the fountain, but the fountain is there and I wondered if anyone has reached the tower sitting there in that little urban oasis, tucked away from the fray, somehow in another world. In. Mid. End. Keystone. There’s just one thing left to do. Read. And then I’ll know what it was all for, this journey, this year. And when I’m done, I’ll buy a rose from the market and I’ll leave it on a bench for another adventurer to wonder at. For what is life without wonder? What is life without intrigue and imagination?

Books · Cozy Posts · Health & Lifestyle · Travel

May Postcard

Well, hello, hello there, friends. I’m sipping decaf Lady Grey tea on the blue couch this afternoon, craving some cozy on a bit of a blustery day. Decaf- because too much caffeine makes me crazy and tea because I’ve nixed coffee once again, hopefully for good this time around, but more on that later.

There is writing and travel planning to get to. My unfinished library books were keeping me from both the past couple days, so I returned them. I figuratively hit pause on the last book of Stephen King’s Dark Tower Series as getting through this last one is proving to be a bit of a slog, not to mention a nightmare inducer. It’s a good story and well-written, of course- just very, very, very long, and very, very, very vivid and I am learning that my overactive imagination doesn’t pair well with reading horror. I figure I’ll get back to it eventually and finish up strong. I just can’t say when. So that’s a we’ll see.

I need something less horrifying, but equally good- some Maeve Binchy or some Tana French, perhaps. A re-read, most likely. My re-reads are the coziest books in my collection, the ones that bring me back to memories of reading them other times before, some of them multiple times before. They are old friends on the shelf, the slowly decaying glue of their spines, one of the most reassuring smells in the whole world. If joy was a smell, it would smell like used books.

There is a map of Montreal in my head that I need to sharpen. The lodging is booked, a pretty apartment near Chinatown and Old Montreal that I imagine I’ll write about in a few months time. The next things to plan are the sights, activities, and eats. Will I try one of Montreal’s bagels, I wonder? They are boasted to be better than New York’s, which is pretty hard to believe. Another we’ll see (but probably- I mean; who says no to bagels?)

On the subject of bread, I’m thinking back to our last trip to the QuĂ©bec province, a core memory of which was the picnic basket delivered to our hotel room each morning filled with fresh fruit, orange juice, croissants, pain au chocolat, jam, and coffee. Yum. I think this is what I am craving most from a trip to Montreal, coffee aside, because the little things make me disproportionately happy and croissants happen to be a big, little thing for me.

Since learning how to eat “normally” last summer, there have been far fewer croissants, but that just makes the times I do have them even more enjoyable. Being down almost fifty pounds and still being able to eat croissants, guilt-free, is a pretty amazing feeling. There is power in control and understanding just as there is enjoyment in reasonable indulgence. You have to live well in more ways than one in order to be happy and it helps to have a handle on how to do that in regards to food and nourishment for almost a year now.

That brings me to coffee. Coffee, which I quit for five months from last May to October. Coffee, which I reintroduced, thinking there’s no harm in one cup every now and then. Then, there’s no harm in one cup a day- two even. For me, I think there might be.

I’ve wondered for years if I have anxiety. Now, I’m wondering if it was just the coffee. I don’t have a diagnosis and I am not a doctor, so really, don’t listen to a word I say on this. I only know me and how I react to the stuff. I’ve noticed, though, that since quitting coffee over a month ago and cutting way back on caffeine in general, my emotions feel much more regulated and my focus and productivity- much sharper.

Even last time when I gave up coffee, I was still drinking multiple cups of caffeinated tea per day. When my caffeine intake reduced even more, the feelings of anxiousness quieted down. My thoughts aren’t constantly racing. I have enough energy to get through the day without having to battle fatigue with a stimulant. I’ve got to say, that feels like a pretty big win.

There is one thing that seems to have gone with the caffeine, though, and that is the poetry. Hopefully that’ll come back when its ready. Another we’ll see, I guess.

Anyways, time to get back to other things now. I know it’s been a while since the last post; I just didn’t know what to write. This probably wasn’t for everyone, but it’s what I could manage and I hope that’s fine with you all. Thanks for reading, as always. All’s well here and hope it’s just so wherever you are.

-Beth

Books · Cozy Posts · Nostalgic Posts

March Postcard

Dear friends,

We woke to mild temperatures and a low-lying mist this morning, not so different from the ones that I remember from our past trips to Ireland. Today is St. Patrick’s Day, so it seems fitting that the weather should jog my memory of one of our favorite travel destinations. The clouds have lingered into the early afternoon and the Atlantic is molten steel, capped with cotton.

Feeling culinarily ambitious and craving hearty fare for later on, I headed out to the grocery store first thing this misty morning to pick up the ingredients I was missing for Guinness Beef Stew and Irish Brown Bread. The rich scent of simmering carrots, potatoes, onions, garlic, and beef mingle with that of Irish stout, red wine, stock, and thyme. The smells are starting to escape the seams of the Crock Pot lid in thin breaths in a successful effort to permeate the kitchen.

The brown bread’s baking in the oven, adding the sweet dryness of toasting flour into this afternoon’s scent medley. My hands feel soft from mixing and working the dough, something I haven’t done since we lived in Brooklyn. As I turned and folded the sticky dough on the floured counter, I thought of our old kitchen on Union Avenue and realized something. We’ve had our home in New Jersey for five years today.

When we lived in Brooklyn, I had maybe four meals that I would make on rotation, having limited cooking skills and even less patience for meal planning. Irish stew and brown bread was one of these meals and I’m sure we both grew tired of it toward the end of our time in New York. It feels nostalgic now, however, to make it here for the first time. It feels festive and like an appropriate meal to celebrate five years of living in this beautiful place together on this gray, March day.

While working in the kitchen earlier, I also couldn’t help but think of the improvements we’ve gained in our cooking skills over the past five years. We went from cooking tried and true recipes maybe once or twice a week to cooking from an expansive variety of options three to four times a week.

The kitchen has become a space for creativity in our home, for trying out new recipes and having them turn out more than half decent, most of the time at least. It’s a space for surprising ourselves, for building confidence, and for drinking red wine or a cold beer while stirring simmering concoctions in many pans and pots all going at the same time.

I enjoy the sensory experiences of cooking- the scents, the sounds, the colors. My favorite, however, is the warmth. There is the warmth of the stove burners as they glow red, the warmth of the preparing meal simmering away, and the warmth of the oven and it’s golden light as I open the door. Speaking of- the oven timer’s beeping which means the brown bread’s finished baking, so I’ll get back to this post in a moment.

The bread is golden and ugly and rugged, just how I remember it. 🙂

Speaking of ugly and rugged, I resumed my quest for Stephen King’s “Dark Tower” last week, digging in to Book V, The Wolves of the Calla, after a months-long break from the series. This one’s a continuation of King’s behemoth, western-style, adventure tale with his characteristic visceral descriptions and unparalleled creativity for the dark and disturbing. It’s far from cozy though, and I think today is a day to lean hard into cozy, so I’ll take a break from Roland and his ka-tet’s adventure in favor of one of my dad’s recommendations instead, P.G. Wodehouse’s Mulliner Nights.

Just a few minutes more until I can slice into the brown bread and see how I’ve done this time…

Upon post-slice review, I think I could have baked it for five minutes less, as it was a little more crumbly than I remember, but it will do just fine with a pat of Kerry Gold Irish Butter and a mugful of Oolong sips for now. At dinner later on is when it will really have a chance to shine, dunked in savory stew, soaking up all the hearty flavors to make for a delicious bite. Now, I’m craving that cozy reading escape before getting back to work on some fiction of my own.

I hope this post added a little warmth to your day, wherever you are. And to my friends and family who celebrate, wishing you all a very happy St. Patrick’s Day. I hope you have a festive evening whether it’s out at a pub, listening to Celtic music at home, or indulging in a hearty meal paired with an Irish stout, lager, ale, or whiskey. Thanks so much for reading. I hope you’re doing well. 🙂

SlĂĄinte,

Beth

Cozy Posts · Movies

Rule Number 32

A couple of weeks ago, we watched a favorite we hadn’t seen in a while, the 2009 Horror/Comedy, Zombieland. Throughout the movie, Columbus (Jessie Eisenberg) introduces his set of rules for surviving a world overrun by zombies while trying to find his way from Texas to Ohio. The movie takes a sharp westward turn soon after Columbus unites with the Twinkie-craving, trigger-happy Tallahassee (Woody Harrelson), followed by the cunning duo, Wichita (Emma Stone) and Little Rock (Abigail Breslin). The movie has become somewhat of a cult classic and leans heavily on the comedy, with the obligatory side of brains- of course.

But back to the rules.

There is one of Columbus’ rules in particular that Mike likes to quote all of the time and always in reference to yours truly. It’s Rule Number 32, Enjoy the little things. I find immense joy in little things. Couldn’t really tell you why; it just happens that way. Color me lucky, I guess.

Sometimes “the little things” are physically small objects, like the tiny rubber elephant that I bought in Seattle in 2016 and still carry in my handbag or the Christmas bird with the busted wing that I bought from Michael’s on Halloween back in 2020. These sorts of little things were very intentional additions to my happiness. I learned of their existence in the world and knew they were meant for me and so, I made them mine.

There are also the little sensory experiences that bring me a lot of joy such as feeling the heat from the stove while boiling the kettle, breathing in the earthy scent of crispy book pages, or peeling apart the golden crust of a flaky croissant, to name just a few. Think Amélie and her petits plaisirs, like cracking the caramelized topping of crÚme brulée with the back of a spoon. She gets it.

I collect these little moments, these “little things”.

Today, one of my little things is the combination of the cello vamp and string line in Bleacher’s “91” which I have playing on repeat as I write this post. Yesterday, it was getting a Christmas card from my cousin, Jen, the scent of warm, coconut curry that lingered long after Mike made dinner, and enjoying a scoop of Graeter’s Black Raspberry Ice Cream from a little ramekin with a little spoon. 😊

Each day has lots of these little things, lots of little opportunities to experience joy.

Today was a coffee sort of morning, thanks to the complimentary Starbucks Holiday Blend that came with our latest Hello Fresh delivery and I just couldn’t resist brewing a cup in my favorite mug (see, there’s another one right there). Sitting by the window in one of our outdoor chairs, that was recently cleaned off and pulled inside for the winter, is one of my favorite things in the colder months. I sipped and watched the waves roll in on the beach while toasting my toes beneath the electric baseboard. I wish I could share that feeling with everyone; the world would be a much calmer place.

My caffeine-induced heartbeat’s trying to match the cello vamp now, but lacks the necessary arrythmia to do so. Christmas Eve is next week, a day that feels more all-encompassing of the celebration of the holiday than Christmas Day, at least in my personal experience. The gathering, the revelry, the heraldry. And lots of little joys all around. A roaring fire in my parents’ woodstove, Celtic Christmas music playing, warm mugs of tea and their swirling clouds of steam, and lots of smiles and laughs.

Writing this post is giving me joy too. Writing most of them has, for that matter. I checked and this is number 97. Soon it will be number 100, but that won’t be a little thing at all, will it? No, that one will feel pretty big, I think.

Thank you for reading and Happy Holidays, friends. I hope you practice Rule Number 32 this season, however you celebrate. Zombies aside, it’s not a bad one to live by.

Health & Lifestyle · Mental Health · Music · Reviews & Reflections

Light

This one might stay just for me. I don’t know yet. If you are reading now, then that’s obviously not the case.

Yesterday was an anxious, distracted day, for no reason in particular. Bombarded with cravings to snack, drink coffee, and to shop for a new winter coat (despite not knowing what my current size is, let alone what it will be- come the actual colder months) while I was meant to be editing an unfinished piece introduced weighty doubt into the morning that carried on until I drifted off to sleep last night. I acknowledge that I am not even in the same time zone as the realm of perfection and some days are just bound to be spent lost in struggle city without a map. Maybe I should have given in to one of those cravings and the day wouldn’t have been such a write-off, but I resisted whether that was the right call or not. Take that as you will.

Yesterday evening I was on my own while Mike was out and I decided to revisit Beyonce’s “II Most Wanted” having enjoyed it while listening to her full album “Cowboy Carter” a week ago. The song features Miley Cyrus. The sound of Miley’s soothing, silky rasp reminded me of lyrics for one of her own songs so I queued up the “Used to Be Young” video next. 

I watched a bleary eyed Miley play her vulnerability to the camera and I got chills from the top of my head down to my elbows. The video reminded me of those times when you catch yourself in the mirror when you are feeling low and suddenly see your struggle magnified. It felt like Miley was singing to herself in a mirror, guiding herself back up from the bottom of the spiral. It was inspirational and today I’m going to guide myself back up from my own depths.

My lack of productivity yesterday feels like a setback going into today and I’m just as stuck as I was when I sat down with my lap desk and laptop yesterday morning. Today, I chose a different spot. Sometimes you have to follow the inspiration to find motivation and my tiny desk looked inspiring in the filtered morning light beneath the windows in the living room. So, I am writing this sitting on the floor with my keyboard on my tiny desk and my laptop propped up on a stand atop one of our living room end tables. When my hips start to scream and my feet go numb, I’ll move. After that, there’s no telling if the magic of the location will wear off or if I simply need to wait for the pins and needles to subside to resume my work for the day in the correct place. It’s always a mystery. Setting goals is cute when it comes to making art, but art isn’t always cooperative when it comes to following the rules. 

Remember to be kind to yourself. Your flaws are part of you. Your flaws give you dimension. Balance. They make the sparkly moments more dazzling by comparison. 

Maybe this won’t be just for me, after all. I can’t be the only one who feels like this some days. I mean, Miley feels like this some days. If you needed this today, we’re in this together, my friend. If you didn’t and you’re thinking man, what a wackadoodle, don’t worry; I’m alright. Where there are shadows, there’s always light.

Books · Cozy Posts · Nostalgic Posts · Poetry

Mice Skating

Fingers skate across letters,

Ideas buried in white.

I shovel at snowbanks,

Digging for what I’ll write.

I look up and imagine

Figures gliding ‘cross the screen,

Angelina and her friends –

Rodential, yet serene.

I’m transported to the past

On the couch by dad’s side

As he read us a book

Like he did most nights.

The stories flood to mind

And the favorites among them:

The Twelve Dancing Princesses

Mary Anne and Mike Mulligan,

George and his friend

In the big, yellow hat,

Christmas in the Country,

And Frieda, the cat,

Shoes, Nurse Nancy, and The Big Red Barn–

Some, Golden-spined stories,

Most- used, full of charm.

My dad would make voices

As he read each line,

Never half-hearted,

No matter how many times.

He read us those stories

And they never got old

And Angelina was warmth

On nights that were cold,

Drinking cocoa in the kitchen

in the glow of the fire,

Figure skates left to dry-

My favorite picture to admire.

And it’s time for this rhyme

To go to sleep for the night,

But it’ll be here to revisit

Whenever you like.

Health & Lifestyle · Music · Reviews & Reflections

Standing on [the] Bleachers

Good Morning. I’ve been hooked on an album for the past few days, filling the quiet with constant sound because it makes my brain feel good. It’s distracting in the best way and has had me dance writing in giant headphones for a few days now. If you’re feeling like you could use a little more head bobbing, leg bouncing, and shoulder dancing or just a healthy distraction in your week, join me in a listen.

I know it’s been a lot of posts lately. The reason for this is procrastination and overwhelm on my longer writing project. It’s getting there, but it can get there later for right now. I write here because if I don’t, I won’t write there. My type-A personality would have me organize my creative distractions in a spreadsheet and address them in a reasonable order, but that’s not how reality works and recently, I feel a little like a lamb searching for grass on a construction site. Huh– where did I get turned around? How long have I been gone from the pasture? This music is leading me back though. Isn’t “Dream of Mickey Mantle” great?

I went for a run along the beach trail the other day, going a little too fast because adrenaline allowed and it felt good to focus on the pleasant pain of blood pumping in my legs and behind my ears instead of other things. The wind was loud and sharp and the air was salty and fresh. I was exhausted after two miles, but the stretch after was soothing and necessary. Stairs will be tough for a day or so, but that’s part of the fun, no?

I watched Mike run his first half marathon in October my senior year of college. I was amazed that people run that much for fun and actually look happy doing it. After the race, he jokingly asked me if I wanted to do one sometime. I was like, “You’re joking, right?”

He was joking, and yet, the itch to do something BIG crawled onto my skin, seeped into my pores, and sank into my veins. Could I run 13.1 miles? Yeah; I could.

My times weren’t amazing, but I ran the North Jersey Half Marathon twice and felt good for ten miles both times and then felt like my legs would fall off for the last three, which is weird because you need legs to finish the race, and I was determined to finish. I remember a sign that one of the spectators held. She sat in a wheelchair and held up a poster board that said, “Pain is temporary. Pride is forever.” It is what got me through my first race. It is the mantra I used for my second. I think about that sign all of the time because to this day, it urges me to accomplish things that are tough.

A friend of mine recommended an incredible book by Glennon Doyle called Untamed. It is a memoir by a woman who did hard things because she realized she could do hard things and that she needed to. I know I can do hard things too. I need to do them. I know because I’ve done them before. No obstacle is too big, no distraction too consuming. If life were easy all the time, the good parts wouldn’t be so good.

What song are you on now?

To reduce less healthy distractions this week, I started listening to music while I write. Normally, I’m horrible at this type of multitasking, but for some reason, this album is fueling me and my fingers are flying. I did make the mistake of watching the music video for one of Bleachers’ newer songs, Tiny Moves, and it is incredible. Don’t watch it unless you have a nice chunk of time, because it is beautiful and you will want to watch it more than once. The video features Margaret Qualley who choreographed, starred, and co-directed the video and Bleachers front man, Jack Antonoff, her husband. I feel a weird connection to Qualley since usually, when people ask me, “You know who you remind me of?”, I could now just answer yes, since the answer is more often than not Andie MacDowell, Qualley’s mother. I shared the link for the video with my friends to whom dance was a huge part of life at some point – it never was for me; I haven’t the talent, but I always wished I could. I’ll happily settle for the talents that I can call mine though.

I got my first “real” haircut since December 2018 yesterday and honestly, it’s just fine. I never was one for salon small talk, so when the pandemic was like, try cutting your own hair, I was all for it. My self-hair cuts were fine too, not to mention free, so maybe the salon and I will do battle in another six months to see who gets to hold the scissors.

The independence of certain skills can be very freeing. Cutting my own hair and doing my own sewing alterations were difficult skills to learn, but they allow me to minimize interactions that I find tedious and that makes the pin pricks and temporarily looking like Samara from The Ring a little more worth it. Making a story outline was similarly difficult to figure out, but I know I picked up the other skills well enough so I have high hopes for what I’ve put together.

I just realized that my head has been bopping the entire time writing this. The music’s getting in my blood, the words are singing in my head. I’ll go for a run in a little bit and the wind in my ears will join the symphony and it will be a brain pounding and body pumping with healthy distraction. I will write words. I will read words. I will stretch mentally and physically, escaping into Gone Now, because it just feels good.

Have a weird day; have a fun day; have the best day you can. Get up, get dressed, brush your teeth. Do something little, because lots of little somethings lead to something big.

Love,

Beth