Category: Health & Lifestyle

Health & Lifestyle · Mental Health · Music · Reviews & Reflections

Light

Beth DeFries2 Comments

This one might stay just for me. I don’t know yet. If you are reading now, then that’s obviously not the case.

Yesterday was an anxious, distracted day, for no reason in particular. Bombarded with cravings to snack, drink coffee, and to shop for a new winter coat (despite not knowing what my current size is, let alone what it will be- come the actual colder months) while I was meant to be editing an unfinished piece introduced weighty doubt into the morning that carried on until I drifted off to sleep last night. I acknowledge that I am not even in the same time zone as the realm of perfection and some days are just bound to be spent lost in struggle city without a map. Maybe I should have given in to one of those cravings and the day wouldn’t have been such a write-off, but I resisted whether that was the right call or not. Take that as you will.

Yesterday evening I was on my own while Mike was out and I decided to revisit Beyonce’s “II Most Wanted” having enjoyed it while listening to her full album “Cowboy Carter” a week ago. The song features Miley Cyrus. The sound of Miley’s soothing, silky rasp reminded me of lyrics for one of her own songs so I queued up the “Used to Be Young” video next. 

I watched a bleary eyed Miley play her vulnerability to the camera and I got chills from the top of my head down to my elbows. The video reminded me of those times when you catch yourself in the mirror when you are feeling low and suddenly see your struggle magnified. It felt like Miley was singing to herself in a mirror, guiding herself back up from the bottom of the spiral. It was inspirational and today I’m going to guide myself back up from my own depths.

My lack of productivity yesterday feels like a setback going into today and I’m just as stuck as I was when I sat down with my lap desk and laptop yesterday morning. Today, I chose a different spot. Sometimes you have to follow the inspiration to find motivation and my tiny desk looked inspiring in the filtered morning light beneath the windows in the living room. So, I am writing this sitting on the floor with my keyboard on my tiny desk and my laptop propped up on a stand atop one of our living room end tables. When my hips start to scream and my feet go numb, I’ll move. After that, there’s no telling if the magic of the location will wear off or if I simply need to wait for the pins and needles to subside to resume my work for the day in the correct place. It’s always a mystery. Setting goals is cute when it comes to making art, but art isn’t always cooperative when it comes to following the rules. 

Remember to be kind to yourself. Your flaws are part of you. Your flaws give you dimension. Balance. They make the sparkly moments more dazzling by comparison. 

Maybe this won’t be just for me, after all. I can’t be the only one who feels like this some days. I mean, Miley feels like this some days. If you needed this today, we’re in this together, my friend. If you didn’t and you’re thinking man, what a wackadoodle, don’t worry; I’m alright. Where there are shadows, there’s always light.

Health & Lifestyle · Healthy Habits

Healthier Habits Progress

Beth DeFries2 Comments

Good evening, readers! I wrote a post back in June called Testing Healthier Habits and thought I’d share an update on the changes that have come from those habits thus far.

First, I think a little rewind is in order: At the beginning of June, I came to the realization that I was not familiar enough with the sensation of real hunger to differentiate between real hunger and false hunger or “hunger”. I’ll explain a little more on that in a bit. I was feeling generally positive about my appearance when this realization came to me one day from nowhere in particular. I felt “hungry” all of the time and did not realize that what my brain communicates as hunger is oftentimes some other need or emotion in disguise. In other words, there was a lot of constant “food noise” in my head that I did not know how to quiet down other than by eating.

I would feed my “hunger” immediately regardless of whether my body needed the nutrients and fuel or not, just figuring I’d gotten the unlucky end of the stick when it came to appetite. I had a firm belief that I would always be a bit overweight and that any weight loss method would be too uncomfortable to offer a permanent solution. I wasn’t “lucky” like those “naturally skinny” people. In adopting the healthier habits, that I’ll go over soon- I promise, I did not intend to embark on a weight loss journey, but embark I did, and let me tell you, it’s been a truly transformative ride.

At the start, I did not even intend to weigh myself because I was more interested in the effect my changes would have on my relationship with food and eating as well as my sleep, productivity, and overall daily comfort than I was in the number on the scale or the size on the tag of my clothes. It wasn’t until Mike joined me in my habits that I dusted off the scale- literally- and felt ready to face that music.

The number was 14.4 pounds higher than I guessed it would be and I didn’t guess very low, you guys. It was not the highest number I’ve ever seen on the scale when weighing myself, but it was close and I was surprised by it. I wondered how close I was to my healthy weight range according to the BMI (Body Mass Index) scale and plugged my height and weight into the Harvard BMI Calculator. Some view BMI as an insufficient representation of health on its own. There is more to health than a number on the scale, sure, but I believe that getting closer to a “normal” BMI can only help when it comes to avoiding health risks down the line that are known to be associated with carrying excess body fat.

A “normal” BMI range is 18.5-24.9. My BMI that day was 30.76, which is classified as “obese”. I was 37.4 lbs over the highest end of my healthy weight range. Seeing an obese BMI for my metrics wasn’t upsetting; it was simply data for my experiment. I’d say I was more shocked than anything else because obesity looked smaller to me than how it is widely represented in American culture. I had been sure that I was simply overweight, but that was not the case in reality. 

The new knowledge of my BMI classification and having a somewhat concrete goal in mind kicked my little experiment into a higher gear. Could I get to the healthy BMI range simply by continuing the healthy habits that I’d already implemented?

Here’s a list of the habits that I practice:

  • Reducing portion size: I eat what I like to call “time portions”, usually to get me through a duration of four hours at a time. It took about a week to figure out the appropriate time portion for my body. I felt hungry after approximately 3.5 hours and so I let the hunger settle for a bit so I can continue to recognize that feeling for what it is and eat a small meal soon after.
  • Eat balanced meals: My meals are usually a combination of protein, fruit/vegetable, carbohydrates, and fat. They fill a small cereal bowl or a 6” to 8” plate. 
  • Stay hydrated with zero calorie beverages: I drink more water, seltzer, and tea than ever before. Sometimes my brain communicates a false hunger signal when really, I’m just thirsty.
  • Learn your true hunger cues: Feeling “hungry”? Are you sure you’re not bored, tired, sad, restless, craving something because it’s there? It’s so weird how physical needs and emotions that aren’t hunger can lead you to the pantry or refrigerator without knowing how you got there. Food is a temporary fix for regulating your emotions. Ask yourself if that snack is going to make you feel better in 30 minutes, an hour, three hours and maybe get some water and watch a YouTube video instead.
  • Reduce intake of Highly Processed Foods, when possible: Cereal, nuggets, I’m lookin’ at you. I eat pretty much whatever I want (in much smaller quantities than before), but will confess that cereal and chicken nuggets are too irresistible to me to keep in the house. They are not off limits, however, I know that they are not going to fill me up as well as less processed foods will and so I do not buy them nearly as frequently as I used to.
  • Move more: As the saying goes, “You can’t outrun a bad diet,” but you can improve your strength and endurance such that you burn more calories at rest than you would if you didn’t work out. Pick a form of exercise that does not feel like a chore (or one that feels least like a chore.) Yes- of course walking counts!
  • Drink Less Alcohol: I love a cold beer, a glass of wine, or a nice whiskey, but know that alcohol will trick my brain into feeling hungry. Unfortunately, alcohol is loaded with calories and I’d rather put those calories toward a four hour meal or a little dessert at the end of the day. I have tried some excellent non-alcoholic beers which are less high in calories than their alcoholic competitors and they are a game changer, particularly in social settings. Athletic Brewing has some great options!
  • Find activities that aren’t food-centric for entertainment: Going out to eat was once a primary activity that I would plan for entertainment. In trying to find more active ways to adventure, I have rekindled a love of hiking and going to concerts. I try to remember that food is nourishment more than it is entertainment.
  • Feed false hunger in healthier ways: This one goes hand in hand with learning your true hunger cues. I have learned that having a seltzer, going for a walk, or watching a YouTube video on a subject I enjoy to be just as satisfying, if not more, than a snack used to be.

The results so far:

  • Weight loss: As of my last weigh-in, I have lost 31.4lbs and am 6 pounds from my healthy weight range according to the BMI scale.
  • Zero heartburn: I haven’t used an antacid since the beginning of June. Tomatoes are delicious and no longer dangerous! Yay!
  • Improved skin: Less scalp dryness and cleaner skin.
  • Better sleep: I used to have trouble getting comfortable at night and it would take a little while to fall asleep. Now I fall asleep pretty immediately.
  • Confusion around personal style: I used to know exactly where to go in a store to find something that fit and would gravitate towards styles that disguised the more “cushioned” parts of my body. I am not sure exactly now how something will look on me when shopping so there is a lot more trial and error and a lot more trying closer fitting styles I would not have felt comfortable in before.
  • Reduced Pain: I was having pain this past year, while running and walking, in my foot which I injured back in 2017. Since losing weight, I am relieved to say that the pain has become less significant to the point where I have noticed zero pain this past month.

Things I wish I knew before starting on this health journey that would have made it a little easier:

  • The first few days to a week are REALLY HARD. You need to be prepared to be uncomfortable for this span of time. Some days will feel harder than others. HOLD FAST; you’ll get through it soon enough!
  • The discomfort that comes with the first week of reducing your portion sizes is TEMPORARY. The food noise quiets down over time and your healthy habits become satisfying and feel normal. 
  • You won’t feel hungry forever.
  • “Full” just means not hungry, not that “overstuffed; I can’t eat another bite” feeling that I thought it meant.
  • You can eat the foods you like and still lose weight, you just have to eat less of them and you have to recognize that sometimes, certain foods are manufactured to be “more palatable” and increase your false appetite so you keep eating/buying them. Those tricksters!
  • Tracking calories is not necessary if you are feeding your body appropriate amounts of “real food”. Find a smaller plate than you normally use to help get you started on proper portion control.
  • Weight loss is a game of patience.
  • Many “naturally healthy” people simply grew up eating appropriate portion sizes and have outlets outside of food to help regulate their emotions. Proper nutrition may just be what they were taught from the start and they did not have to battle “food scarcity” or “clean plate” mentality like many Americans grew up learning.

While I am happy to have gotten the internal kickstart to begin this health journey, I know how daunting the idea of approaching weight loss can be when you have a little more meat on your bones than what’s considered “normal”. I had temporary success a couple of times in the past using Weight Watchers and am curious to see if my current lifestyle changes will be more lasting in the long-term. 

I have read misconceptions associating obesity with laziness, but I can’t agree with those. Obesity equals a lot of emotions, but I wouldn’t pair it with laziness. It takes a lot of strength to carry excess weight around every minute of every day. If it is your desire to become physically healthier, you will have the capability and drive to get yourself there. It is scary not knowing how to get started, mostly because determining whether to start is a highly personal experience. Only you can do it for you. I think it is also important to remember that no matter what level of physical health at which you begin, it is equally important to nourish your mental health. Be positive about the current you, whatever that looks like, and recognize that you are a miracle at any size. Even if your appearance changes, you will still be the same person, so love the you that you are even before you begin.

I am not a doctor; I am simply sharing the findings on habits that have been working for me. If you are thinking about getting started on a health journey of your own, I wish you strength (especially in that first week), revelation, and joy along the way. You can do this if you want to; just take it one hunger cue at a time and you’ll recognize some changes of your own before you know it; I’m sure.

Books · Cozy Posts · Nostalgic Posts · Poetry

Mice Skating

Beth DeFries1 Comment

Fingers skate across letters,

Ideas buried in white.

I shovel at snowbanks,

Digging for what I’ll write.

I look up and imagine

Figures gliding ‘cross the screen,

Angelina and her friends –

Rodential, yet serene.

I’m transported to the past

On the couch by dad’s side

As he read us a book

Like he did most nights.

The stories flood to mind

And the favorites among them:

The Twelve Dancing Princesses

Mary Anne and Mike Mulligan,

George and his friend

In the big, yellow hat,

Christmas in the Country,

And Frieda, the cat,

Shoes, Nurse Nancy, and The Big Red Barn–

Some, Golden-spined stories,

Most- used, full of charm.

My dad would make voices

As he read each line,

Never half-hearted,

No matter how many times.

He read us those stories

And they never got old

And Angelina was warmth

On nights that were cold,

Drinking cocoa in the kitchen

in the glow of the fire,

Figure skates left to dry-

My favorite picture to admire.

And it’s time for this rhyme

To go to sleep for the night,

But it’ll be here to revisit

Whenever you like.

Health & Lifestyle

Firecracker Summer

Beth DeFries7 Comments

I can’t remember how old I was when Lois and David came to stay for the summer with my Nana and Aunt Arlene, but my memory tells me that that’s when the wide brimmed red hat appeared at the house along with the little painted sign on Arlene’s dresser that stated The Red Hat Society pledge.

I had never heard of the red hat society, at fourteen or fifteen, but I liked the idea of women over fifty pledging themselves to humor, silliness, laughter, and fun. I spent my summers in the company of women much older than me on a usual basis in my early teens, but Lois was a particular firecracker who swooped in that summer with her big smile and raspy voice, who knew how to laugh and get my Aunt Arlene and Nana to laugh too.

Lois’ son David was grown and knew more about the presidents that anyone I’d ever met. Lois had taught him to read when he was a child after doctors told her that he probably wouldn’t be able to. She took the dark world, installed a switch where there wasn’t one, and made it bright as glitter in the sunshine.

Lois and David were esteemed guests that summer, one during which I remember smiling and socializing a lot with Lois and her sisters. We’d go to hear Joe Finn play on the boardwalk on Wednesday nights and eat ice cream cones while neighbors and children danced to a mix of covers, Irish folk songs, and familiar childhood tunes that I associated with Raffi. I remember seeing Sarah, the local trash-treasure collector, dancing to the music in a silver mini skirt. She must have been eighty then. I secretly wondered if she had a big red hat at home.

This summer, I’ve had the pleasure of spending a couple of evenings in the exuberant company of women who are a little older than me and I am reminded of that painted sign on Arlene’s dresser- the one pledging to have fun. My new friend, Kim, told me that I looked good in a hat at our last gathering. She reminds me a little of Lois and maybe that, along with the fact that I was having such a great time, was what linked this summer to my memory of that one from over half a lifetime ago.

I love catching up with this group of women, each of whom is so interesting, lovely, and fun to talk to. I feel a fortunate audience to their stories, shared memories, and hilarity and sometimes find myself wishing I’d been there to partake in their experiences firsthand. It’s pure fun to be around people who are so genuinely happy to be in each other’s company. To be welcomed into their “society” of sorts makes me feel lucky. I suppose my soul fits in, like everyone else amongst them. An open heart, big smile, and eagerness to be part of the crew helps to fill any gaps that exist, numerical or otherwise. I only hope to prioritize fun, humor, and silliness at every number I’m lucky enough to go by… and maybe I’m not not thinking about finding a big red hat to serve as a vibrant reminder to do so.

Thank you to the all of the firecracker women who inspired this post for making my summer brighter (past and present). You are glitter in the sunshine and I appreciate your willingness to include me in your fun!

Health & Lifestyle · Healthy Habits · Mental Health

How to be Happy

Beth DeFriesLeave a comment

While organizing my digital files, I stumbled across a document titled How to be Happy. The memory of creating that document rushed back to me and gave my heart a less than gentle squeeze.

Once again, I was seated at our Ikea table in our Williamsburg apartment, trying to grasp any sort of hold on joy. I was working in a job that made me unhappy, living in a city that was someone else’s dream home, and had lost pretty much all touch with my creativity.

The list I wrote called out the dreams, the have nots, the wants. Some items were simple such as move to an apartment with laundry access. Some were more difficult like find a new job in a creative or educational field, live by the water, or get back into writing. I’d wandered off the marked trail and was lost amid a dense forest of skyscrapers, high rises, brownstones, and warehouses- all my breadcrumbs scattered at my feet, awaiting someone to find and rescue me.

There’s a line from Trampled by Turtles’ Widower’s Heart that resonates with me every time I hear it, “New York was a rough place that treated me well.” Sometimes it makes me feel a little guilty for having wanted to leave.

I did a lot of growing up in New York. It was a haven from Baltimore throughout college and it was home afterwards. It facilitated me meeting a group of friends that I can’t imagine my future without. Though grimy, tough, and loud, New York was good to me and I will always love it deeply. It’s not home anymore, however, and I’ve got to admit I prefer it that way.

Live by the water.

We were deep into searching for a new apartment in Brooklyn in January 2020 when a home that we’d been eyeing just for fun dropped in price on Zillow. We scheduled a viewing, rented a car from JFK, and took a drive out to New Jersey just to see it. The pictures hadn’t done the view justice, an observation since echoed by every new visitor we’ve ever had.

We went for drinks at a local brewery to think the idea over knowing it would be crazy if we bought the first place we ever looked at after having looked exclusively at apartments for rent in New York. We were renters. Renters didn’t have to deal with home repairs. Renters didn’t have to pay property taxes. Renters lived in tiny apartments in Brooklyn hoping to be able to afford a miniscule view of the East River.

The idea of buying seemed more sensical as we talked and sipped, but often harkened back to but it would be crazy… right?

It all came down to happiness. While New York was good to me and Mike would never feel the need to live anywhere else, he knew, more than I did, that I’d be much happier living by the water and, as is often the case, he was right.

I am a person who puts myself last in most situations. Why? Because I don’t like putting other people in a place where they have to experience discomfort. I’d rather be the uncomfortable one. It’s fucked up, yes, but it’s true and I’m working on it. Sometimes it takes someone else looking in to notice the effect of constant self-pressure. Sometimes it takes someone else to open their mouth and say it’s ok; we can leave New York. Sometimes it takes someone who loves you a whole lot to make you feel worthy of the change you know is necessary.

So we did something crazy. We bought the first and only home we’d thought about purchasing and moved to New Jersey. We escaped living through the pandemic in New York and instead lived in a place with fresh air and quiet outside the door. I like to think that that wasn’t a terrible consolation for Mike.

My love for New Jersey has very deep roots. There was something about coming home that was instantly calming- something about the water and the moonrise and the trees. I started to write again even though I didn’t feel confident in it. Confidence comes from practice. Confidence comes from having the courage to try.

I thought I’d make a new list to stumble across sometime in the future, perhaps a more general one in case you happen to stumble across it too.

How to be Happy:

  1. Be kind to your body. You’ve only got one.
  2. Prioritize sleep.
  3. Take difficult responsibilities one day or one step or one micro-step at a time.
  4. Move your body every day in a way that works for you.
  5. Commit to exercising good bodily and dental hygiene practices.
  6. Don’t overspend on finances, time, and energy.
  7. End each day with a positive thought or reflection. If you can’t think of one, look up positive affirmations online to jog your memory.
  8. Don’t bury your emotions. Listen to them. Voice them. Address them. You feel them for a reason.
  9. Forgive yourself for your mistakes. You are human. Erring is inevitable, but you are capable of learning and improving.
  10. Know that change is possible, no matter how difficult.
  11. Keep empty space on your calendar. It’s ok to say no to social engagements.
  12. Take a break from screens. Read, go for a walk, listen to music, work on a puzzle, make a new recipe, whatever puts a smile on your face and keeps your brain occupied.
  13. Stop comparing yourself to others. Your uniqueness is amazing and beautiful. Anyone who says otherwise doesn’t deserve an ounce of your attention.
  14. Don’t expect the worst of people. Chances are you are harder on yourself than anyone else would dare to be.
  15. Know that someone, somewhere loves you exactly as you are (likely lots of someones in lots of somewheres).

I hope this post helps you if you are feeling lost in the forest like I was. Your happiness is a worthy cause and it is possible. Breathe. Allow yourself to feel everything, even the difficult things. Give yourself a break. Scatter your breadcrumbs at your feet. You are capable of your own rescue.

Health & Lifestyle · Mental Health

Not So Cozy

Beth DeFriesLeave a comment

This one’s not so cozy. For that, I apologize.

I am craving joy and coziness and am having trouble finding them amidst this sticky July heat on the east coast and the healthy habits that I’ve started to get used to. My reading material of late evokes feelings opposite of coziness thanks to the haunting story-spinning of the talented Stephen King. His images seep into my dreams in the quiet, dark night and rest upon my chest like the Nightmare in Henry Fuseli’s painting.

The family house in rental season is reminding me of past triggers that have caused my brain wires to overheat and shut down, but at least the place won’t actually try to devour me- right? I, myself, am ravenous for a cold breeze that lasts a week or more and a sweater that’s (hopefully) a little too big now.

I want to shut off the overactive mode of my imagination for a while and get a sense of what it’s like to feel calm in my own head for a prolonged period of time. I have a surplus of time and should be calm. And somehow, I seem to collect disquietude as a hobby in the summer.

Movement and fresh, dry air are the best medicine, but the air is wet and stagnant outside and hums with curious insects. Walking inland is endurable but not pleasant in this heat and walking by the ocean coaxes the sand fleas from where they’ve burrowed in the cemented shoreline as each new wave draws close.

Inside there is AC and writing to be done, tea to be brewed, and books Stephen King didn’t write. I’ll crack one of those open tonight like a cold drink and lock the nightmares out of the bedroom before my head sinks to the pillow. A healthy dose of sleep and sweet enough dreams- all I need to lighten the irrational burdens of summer.

Nostalgic Posts · Poetry

Sixteen

Beth DeFriesLeave a comment

Seventeen was sweeter than sixteen

But sixteen wasn’t half bad

Carefree and alive

Attempting to drive

Converse on the clutch

Bubblegum on the breath

Sargent at the Met

TAI… at the Bowery

Broadway Diner and Nautilus

Fries dipped in gravy

Magic Blends from the fountain

Tiny tastes of independence

Experimental fashion sense

Mini skirts and long sweaters

Julie Taymor directing our lives

Manya’s mannequin in the basement

Some controlled mayhem

Pouring sand on melted plastic in the driveway

Once the last knot burned

Movies on the weekend

Cross-legged in the seats

Peach Schnapps in the basement and The Virgin Suicides

A few sips could buzz our minds

Skylights, fireflies, and finding space on the couch

Sleeping in non-sleeping places

Light as a feather, stiff as a board

Stalled in a cornfield

Chainless saws in the distance

Squeals and laughter- fear’s resistance

Molly, Ally, Emilio, Judd, and Anthony

Stillwater and Doris

Grapes and wishes on New Year’s

With the friends turned family

In the beautiful days of sixteen

Health & Lifestyle · Healthy Habits

Testing Healthier Habits

Beth DeFries3 Comments

My focus for the past couple of weeks, during a break from my big writing project, has shifted to healthier habits and how to establish their foundations. The main issue for me is hunger, or rather “hunger” and not knowing when my sensation of being hungry is true or masking some other physical need or emotion.

I have come to learn that people experience hunger and fullness in a spectrum of ways and at different intensities. Some lucky people have an automatic physical cue mid-meal that tells them to stop eating while some people don’t feel full until well after finishing a meal and may suffer the uncomfortable effects of overeating. Some people feel “hungry” on a constant basis when really they may be thirsty, bored, anxious, tired, or sad. For as long as I can remember, I belong to this last camp, but I’ve been working on questioning my hunger and emotional cues to better recognize them for what they actually are. It’s not easy; I’ll tell you that, but it is getting less hard each day.

It’s uncomfortable to feel hungry all of the time, even when you are “fake hungry”. Your brain wants you to feel happy and eating releases dopamine to make you feel good. It’s not cozy to be uncomfortable and you all know that being cozy is a high priority of mine. Comfort is a necessity for coziness, in my opinion. And yet, I am sitting here now feeling cozy despite adopting healthier habits that I’ll get into more in a little bit.

Feeling my own emotions is one thing; they are a mauling bear sometimes. Food is a quick fix. I am great at multitasking when it comes to being emotional and hungry. Fun, right? My sense of empathy takes things over the top though. If I am in proximity to someone who is anxious or sad, it’s a little contagious and guess what? I feel hungry. Yay empathy!

My brain often tells me that I’m hungry when I’m not and because of it, I have a seasoned history of overindulging on things like groceries, eating out, calories, energy, and time. Hunger can be distracting and irritating for me. Satisfying a craving offers immediate, albeit temporary, gratification and relief.

I have learned that when I am truly hungry, I am not picky. The craving for true hunger is for nourishment, not for a particular taste. Certain foods do a better job at filling up real hunger while others trick you into eating more without providing the nutrients that your real hunger craves, so you will keep feeling hungry. Put the chips away! Those crunchy tricksters.

I haven’t had a drop of coffee since my last post and if you are a dedicated reader, you know it’s been a while since I’ve shared here, and you also know that I was a coffee addict. I feel better without coffee, honestly- less anxious. I am sleeping well and wake up energized as opposed to reliant on my next caffeine fix. Besides, my taste perception of coffee has changed from finding it delicious to finding it unpalatably bitter. It was my cue to lay off the bean juice for a while.

I am drinking less alcohol too and more water and am feeling and seeing the effects. My skin feels cleaner and brighter, my sleep – less interrupted, my scalp- less dry and itchy. Who knew that all this time relief for dandruff could be a side effect of proper nourishment? Let’s be real, probably many, many people. It just took me a while to trip over the wisdom and notice it.

Adopting healthy habits can feel like an insurmountable chore from the onset. This is the first time it hasn’t felt like that for me. I’m not “on a diet” and I’m not cutting out any foods for good. I am asking myself questions about how I feel when my body signals hunger. I am making choices based on that assessment. I am slowly figuring out my own hunger cues knowing that mine might be different from other people’s. I am sharing with you, because seeing it in my own writing always helps me to make sense of things.

If you are someone who struggles with frequent, false hunger and food cravings, I feel you. I understand the sense that achieving a healthier lifestyle can feel like a hopeless dream sometimes. Let me be one to remind you that the perfect body type doesn’t exist. Beauty and healthy bodies take many shapes and forms. Focus on baby steps and you’ll notice they can take you much further than you think. Talk with your “hunger” cues. Ask them if they are real and maybe your body will get back on speaking terms with you.

Here are a few strategies that I have practiced in order to assess my state of hunger before reaching for food.

  1. Take a short walk or move around.
  2. Talk to or text a friend or family member.
  3. Have a glass of water.
  4. Watch a YouTube video on a subject you enjoy.
  5. Complete something on your to-do list.
  6. Don’t deny yourself foods you love; they make you happy. You deserve to be happy, not deprived.
  7. Try reaching for 3/4 or 1/2 of the portion of a snack you would normally have and save the rest for later.
  8. Settle into the discomfort and hangriness of being hungry so you can recognize it for what it really means. Feel it and question it. Are you bored? Are you anxious? Thirsty? Needs and emotions like this can manifest as hunger.
  9. Have a cup of tea or seltzer; it may feel more substantial than plain water.
  10. Take it one meal at a time and don’t get discouraged if the first few days are really difficult. It gets easier.
  11. Put your typical portion size on your plate and see if eating without distractions of television or phones quiets down the world enough for your body to hear you question if you are full. No one is making you throw the food away. Get some foil or Tupperware and put the rest away for a snack later on. You will be glad for it then!

I am not a medical professional so these tips are simply based on exercises that I have found helpful in my own experiment with adopting healthy habits. I want to feel good in my body because I’ve only got this one and there are people out there who care about me that I want to be around for for a long, long time.

I want to say thank you so much for reading my posts. Writing this was a nice distraction from false hunger this morning.

On another note, some friends alerted me to the difficulties of commenting on these blog posts so I have updated the comment settings for anyone so inclined (Thank you Jean and Darlene!). You all inspire me to be creative and I would love to hear from you. Hope you all have a beautiful, fulfilling, and filling day!

Health & Lifestyle · Mental Health

Henry, Jack, John, and Jo

Beth DeFries4 Comments

When I left work on the last day of my old job last summer, I cried on my short drive home, parked, composed myself, and that was that.

Last year was a rollercoaster that sort of coasted on the downs for more than was amusing and had me fighting for my misvalued worth for months in reaction to changes in salary structure for roles like mine at my place of work – a battle that I ultimately lost. Let’s just say there was a lot of crying in the shower. I was already down when the final kick came, but it was time to go and I was braced for it so it didn’t hurt too bad and the bruising was minimal.

Despite the low points, I still loved that place and it was rough to say goodbye.

Rewind to about a week and a half before that last day. I had just had a meeting to plead my final case, which you now know did not yield the desired outcome. It just wasn’t in the cards. I sort of expected that already, but I had to try everything. After work, I went to my family’s shore house to see relatives visiting from California and my cousin, having been pre-warned that I was probably going to have a difficult day at work, took my drink order in advance.

“What do you want when you get here?” she asked.

“An Old Fashioned,” I said.

“You got it,” she said.

I walked in the back door of the house and she handed me two, one for each hand, with a look of determination to make the night fun. That is love and that is what my family is like. They will pick you up when you are down and they will match your level, sip for sip the entire way.

The bottle of Jack Daniels was pretty full when I arrived that evening. It sat in the middle of the dark stained wooden buffet in the dining room. My uncle, aunts, mom, husband, cousin and her fiancée soon each had an Old Fashioned in front of them too. The glasses were warm honey in the glow of the chandelier fixture, adorned with delicately peeled orange rinds. We reviewed my day together. We bolstered my self confidence to the point where I could smile instead of just look worried and unsettled. I told them what I’d stay for and they increased the amount as the conversation continued until we came to a mutual agreement on what was a reasonable full time salary for a person of my skill.

As the night wore on, the purple Five Crowns box made its way to the table and we began to play. The bottle of Jack grew increasingly dehydrated. We grew increasingly giddy. We listened to a John Denver inspired Spotify playlist.

“Country Roads, Take me home, To the place I belong…”

My unease lessened. I laughed a lot. There is no medicine better than being with your people. Whatever was going to happen would happen and it was out of my hands. I’d given it my best effort. I’d given it every effort. I wouldn’t let the fight take more from me than it already had. It didn’t really matter anyway because I had these amazing people, a glass full of topaz, and cheeks that were sore from laughing.

I think in my head I knew how it would go. If it was in the cards, it wasn’t in my hand and I wasn’t ready for another round.

When I got in my car on my last day of work, I allowed myself to cry for the drive home. I got home and watched Little Women. I met Jo March. Jo was a writer. She was brave and she was told no. I was brave and I was told no for other things. So, might as well write like Jo.

Health & Lifestyle · Mental Health

Hare-Brained Tortoise

Beth DeFriesLeave a comment

It begins with a static current of nerves.

A deep breath.

Doubt.

How far can my legs carry me today?

My lungs?

My brain?

Just breathe and stop thinking so much.

Were the Lisbon girls based on real people? Did Jeffrey Eugenides love them?

A few steps and wild electrons of thoughts bound about with no rhyme or reason.

What’s Amanda Bynes up to these days? I hope she’s ok.

The velocity is random.

Find your pace.

Find your breath.

Stop thinking so much.

Did Christopher Tolkien even like interpreting his father’s posthumous voice?

Gulp the air.

Hold it and release it slow.

Which of Judy Garland’s five husbands did she love most, if any?

Throat,

Lungs,

Diaphragm.

Again.

Lift your knees.

Is it possible for anyone to be as effortlessly cool as Sofia Coppola?

Wow, you’re not great at this, are you?

That woman was walking when I started and she just passed me.

Doubt.

Slow and steady.

Set your own pace.

This isn’t a race.

Get out of your head, Bethy.

Mo calls me Bethy. And Mike. Who else?

Summer’s coming up – Ugh, the house.

Three inches of water in the basement that time. I had to wash my sneakers.

You should think more.

You should think less.

Breathe.

Gulp the air

Swallow it slow.

No spotted lantern flies yet.

Breathe.

Lift your knees higher.

Is that jasmine or honeysuckle? Smells like Natalie’s wedding.

Relax your hands.

Do my feet pronate since that injury on the train in 2017?

Focus on the path.

Careful on the sand.

That scar from Bradley Beach is still there after three years. Crazy.

Who are Jack Antonoff’s songs about? Scarlett, Lena, Margaret?

Run.

Push a little further than you think you can.

I likely ruined that friendship. Maybe that was meant to happen.

Relish the breeze

And the sound of the gulls.

I want to stop.

Keep running.

Stop thinking so much.

I can’t stop.

Almost there.

Withstand the toughest part.

Pain in legs.

Pump your heart.

Maybe there’s a muse is these surroundings.

Home stretch.

Slow your steps.

Rush of blood to the head.

I actually did it.

Permit the pride.

Cool down.

Hydrate

Stretch.

Endorphins.

Now wasn’t that worth it?