The Photo that Sparked my 50lb Weight Loss Journey

September 17, 2025September 17, 2025 Beth DeFries3 Comments

While looking through the photos stored on my phone the other day, I came across the picture that sparked my weight loss journey back in June of 2024. I spent a few minutes looking at the person on my screen, the girl frozen in time in front of Buckingham Fountain in Chicago’s Grant Park on a sunny day in June. She didn’t know it then, but her life was about to change.

In the days after we got home from Chicago, that picture in front of Buckingham Fountain was like a magnet for my attention. After a youth and much of my adulthood spent comparing my own size to that of others, I had at least learned the toxicity in that practice, but what about comparing myself to myself? The girl in the picture was a size I had never before associated with me. Still, I took the image at its face value. That’s what I look like now, I thought, that’s me.

Oddly enough, as someone who struggled constantly with weight and body image, I didn’t dislike the picture. The fountain was beautiful and I was happy to have documented my being there and to reflect on my memories of our trip to Chicago. Now, was I over the moon about how I looked in the picture? I was not, my friends, but what’s the use in worrying too much over something you can’t change, right? Hmm…

I don’t know at what point after that the mysterious magic began to sparkle in my brain, but begin it did.

How do skinny people do it?

Why am I always hungry?

Am I actually always hungry?

These were the new questions in my head that day in June that sparked the experiment that has led to my fifty pound weight loss and many successful, comfortable months of maintenance.

I was convinced before starting this journey that there was something different about my brain that prevented me from being able to lose weight and to maintain weight loss. I had tried Weight Watchers multiple times in the past with success while on the program, only to have no idea what I was doing when it came to understanding healthy eating, portion sizes, hydration, and proper nutrition balance as soon as I stopped paying for the subscription. That’s how they getcha, I guess. I even wondered if I had a food addiction that resulted in me eating too much at every meal, causing me to experience discomfort and even physical pain for a majority of the days of each week. I was afraid I couldn’t change. I was afraid any changes I made wouldn’t last long. I was afraid. Period.

From where I am now, reflecting on my start in all this, I recognize the damage that inflating your fears can have on starting out on a weight loss journey or any monumental task, for that matter. If you’re too afraid to start, you won’t start. If you’re dismissive of your own ability to learn, you won’t learn. I pretended my fears were facts at the time. I blamed my brain for always “making me feel hungry”, not taking the time to figure out why that was. I decided that day, looking at that picture, that I didn’t care if it would be hard or uncomfortable. In fact, I knew it would be. I just wanted to understand the answers to my questions and I wanted to be able to get to the bottom of them myself.

Getting started was uncomfortable and confusing; I won’t sugar coat it. It was anything but easy. Still, the discomfort and the sensation of being out of my depth when it came to understanding my hunger cues and adjusting my eating habits was well worth the learning process. If understanding your own body’s nutritional needs is something you strive for and have struggled with, I urge you not to let your fear of failure and discomfort stop you from starting on your own journey, even if you have started it many times before.

In the first few days, as I was just getting started, I really focused on trying to listen to my body, whatever that means, I told myself. I ate meals without distraction of my phone or the television. I searched the internet to learn more about how hunger pangs can manifest. I learned that thirst can present similarly to hunger pangs and found that to be a revelation in and of itself. I learned that my hunger pangs don’t usually present with a growling stomach as some people’s do, but rather with irritability, a headache, fatigue, or some combination of those.

Those first few days of the process, I worried that in order to keep up my new healthy habits long term, I would have to feel uncomfortable and hungry for forever. As the week wore on, however, the discomfort subsided gradually and the constant food noise quieted down to the point where I could ignore it by finding my dopamine hits in writing, watching a YouTube Video, reading a book, or having a glass of water, seltzer, or some tea.

After a couple of weeks, I was surprised at how little food my body actually needed to function comfortably versus the enormous amounts I had been consuming prior to getting started. I wondered if I was eating too little even, at one point, but reminded myself that I would be able to tell that by listening to my body and my brain- by paying attention to my food as I ate- the texture of it, the taste, the smell, the colors, by recognizing when I had satisfied my hunger pangs to the point where I could get through the next three to four hours comfortably. Through trial and error, I learned the magic of portion control, Goldilocksing my way to the sweet spot for my own satiety.

I took comfort in the fact that I didn’t have to count calories or track what I was consuming. I just used smaller plates and bowls that I already had that made it easier to eyeball portions that were the right size for me. I weighed myself on Thursday mornings every other week. It felt different from dieting I had done in the past, in that I was still eating pretty much all the foods that I regularly enjoyed. In the first month, I did my best to pay attention to which of those foods did a good job of satiating my hunger and which ones did not, which ones induced cravings that weren’t real hunger, and which ones actually made me hungrier, surprisingly enough. Cereal and chicken nuggets had to go for a while there, though I can eat them mindfully now.

After the first few days, my new eating habits started to feel more normal and natural. After a few weeks, I was noticing the first of many “non-scale victories”. I relished the fact that some of my common ailments such as heartburn, bloating, and stomachaches hadn’t plagued me since before starting my experiment. I opened my handbag and removed the little bottle of Tums that lived there because all it had been doing for weeks at that point was taking up space.

Was it really this simple this whole time, I thought? If so, why was it so hard to wrap my head around before?

It’s funny how simple some of the hardest things can be, how the littlest changes, when made consistently, can lead to huge differences. Now, don’t get me wrong. When I say “simple”, I don’t mean easy. For many, I have come to learn, learning proper nutrition habits, learning how to identify your true hunger cues, and understanding when you are what people call “full” can be like reading an instruction manual in a language you only understand a few words of.

Let’s talk about that word full for a minute. It is my strong opinion that this word is dangerously ambiguous. For example, my personal interpretation and understanding of the word full before beginning my weight loss journey was identical to the sensation of feeling overstuffed. I have since reframed this thinking to interpret that what, let’s call “naturally thin” people really mean when they say they feel full is that they simply recognize they are no longer hungry; their body has consumed the nutrients and energy it needs to get through the next three to four to however-many hours until their next meal. This was a monumental “light bulb” realization for me and has been really helpful in checking in with myself during both my weight loss and my maintenance stages, to the point where I have only reached that uncomfortable “overstuffed” sensation a handful of times in the past year.

For many months during my weight loss journey, I sought out motivation via a Reddit thread called “r/loseit”. A lot of posters in the thread were working on their goals to reach a healthy weight, to improve their mobility, and / or to reverse the negative health effects that can often accompany obesity. Some posters in the thread had goals of losing 100+ pounds. Some posters had already lost impressive amounts of weight and were successful long term in their maintenance. I found their posts so inspiring that I would pop into the thread and read the new posts daily and it would give me that little extra umph when I needed it from time to time.

In some of my daily visits to the r/loseit thread, I read stories of people who were raised to have a “clean plate mentality”, some posters even having been made to remain at the dinner table for hours as children, until they consumed every scrap of food on their plate, even if they were overstuffed, “Because there are starving children in Africa.” Does this sound familiar to anyone? Are you walking to the fridge right now? Are you opening your snack drawer? Was that a bag of chips I heard? Maybe just stop for a second and have a drink of water instead and know you have a friend in your corner on the other end of this post who wants you to know that you are a miracle. You are good enough. You are loved. Food is meant to nourish your body. It is not meant to be an emotional coping mechanism.

Stories such as the one mentioned above made me realize how much of an influence your learned eating habits from childhood can affect your relationship with food as an adult, not to mention your relationship between your eating habits and your emotions. If “cleaning your plate” prevented punishment as a child, I imagine it can be really hard to reshape your eating habits as an adult. I, thankfully, was not raised with negativity around food like that. Reading through the loseit thread, however, I learned that some people are fighting these really negative emotions and memories as they try to navigate nutrition and reduced portions. Sometimes feelings of sadness, boredom, loneliness, and inadequacy can signal as hunger which can be really confusing if you don’t have a handle on your true physical hunger cues. Despite this, those weight loss champions of Reddit are still losing. They can do it. They are doing it and that’s badass as hell. 🏆

While physical conditions, illness, medication and age can all play roles in how difficult approaching weight loss can be, I am convinced that a lot of what leads to obesity is not these limitations, but rather the lack of understanding when it comes to the basics of nutrition and understanding your physical hunger cues versus your emotional hunger cues. For instance, in my Reddit visits, I learned that it is news to many finding out that drinks such as soda have calories. This always seemed like common sense to me, but I have learned that very few things actually fall under the realm of common sense. So much of our habits are learned. Parents have the job of passing on their habits to the next generation. It’s helpful when those habits are healthy, but unfortunately, that’s not always the case. Sometimes you have to ask yourself the tough questions. You have to pay attention. You have to learn, yourself, and guess what? You can do it.

*If this post resonates with just one person, it will be worth me sharing a picture that I was very hesitant to share here. So much has changed since Chicago, but that really is where this all began and I am so grateful for the whole learning experience for which this picture was the catalyst. Thank you for reading this post and for reading all of my posts that served as little dopamine hits throughout this life-changing ride. You are so appreciated.

Health & Lifestyle · Healthy Habits · Mental Health · Minimalism

Reflections on My No Buy Month

February 7, 2025February 7, 2025 Beth DeFriesLeave a comment

The house is a mess today. I’ve decided there’s nothing wrong with that and I don’t plan on cleaning much. Maybe tomorrow. And that’s a hard maybe.

Yesterday was tough. February’s been a little tough so far, actually, but I think I’ve walked into some realizations, some signs marking the next turnoff to get back on the right track. I’ve got the GPS volume turned up high so I don’t miss it!

I completed my no shopping challenge with success in January and welcomed February with relief. I think I threw some stuff from my Amazon wish list into my cart at like 12:06AM on February 1st and immediately hit Proceed to Checkout. Granted, these purchases were needs rather than wants, but still, pretty embarrassing in hindsight that it only took six minutes into February to shop. Anybody else like this? If so, hope’s not lost! First, though, some background.

I quit coffee altogether for five months this past spring and summer. Before that, coffee was definitely something I relied on. I understand caffeine withdrawal like a pro. I’ve had splitting headaches that I didn’t understand until it hit me that I hadn’t had my coffee in X amount of hours. The fix was easy and all too accessible. Coffee is something I consume in moderation now, like everything else in my diet, and I try to remember the sense of dependance, anxiety, and physical discomfort that coffee represented for me in the past when I relied on it too much.

Hitting Proceed to Checkout at 12:06AM on February 1st and the subsequent dopamine release I experienced reminded me of those accessible caffeine fixes. Maybe shopping wasn’t just a habit. No; I recognized a problem.

Not buying stuff in January felt freeing. I wasn’t waiting on packages or tracking shipping. I didn’t have to drive anywhere to drop off returns. I didn’t have the shame I experience from the buy and return cycle. In January, the saving was the addiction and it felt great and I’m not just talking about money. Think about the time, the energy, the decisions that go into the cycle of shopping, or any bad habit- for that matter. And yet, shopping, once an available outlet again, overtook that sense of peace? Why? I had to get to the bottom of it.

I allowed myself to buy a few needs for the first few days of February, but soon found my wants encroaching. Precious time was lost to the scroll and limited mental energy- to decision fatigue. I have what I need! I tried to shout it in my head, but it came out meek. I preferred how I felt in January. I wanted that peace again, that time, that energy. I set a modest budget for the rest of the month for shopping, wondering if maybe the total deprivation of January was what led to “the itch” to shop as soon as January ended.

Now, let’s talk yesterday. Yesterday, I made a pact with myself to nip this habit in the bud and replace it with more constructive practices. I found myself distracted throughout the day with the craving to head to Marshall’s to buy things that I don’t need. Why? Procrastination, discomfort. When we have things that are difficult that we are supposed to be doing, it is uncomfortable. Discomfort is trigger numéro uno for me when it comes to giving in to bad habits. I learned that in my diet. I learned that in my creative pursuits. Heck, I’m writing this now and it’s not comfortable. I get help out of reading things like this, though, so in hopes that at least one of you will too, here are my reflections on the matter.

Yesterday afternoon, I got dressed with the thought of going to Marshall’s while simultaneously warring with myself to not go to Marshall’s. I left my home and went to my car. What are you doing? Just where do you think you’re going, missy? I said to myself. I got to the first stop sign and told myself, go for a walk instead. Get some energy out. Get some exercise, and maybe this idiotic craving will go away or at least become less noticeable.

By the magic of the gods I listened to me; which doesn’t happen nearly enough, I am sorry to say. I went to the park and started my walk. I ran into a woman I now know by name as I frequently see her on my walks. She said hi and called me by my name and said it was good to see me. That little bit of connection, that little tiny bit of recognition made me smile. I wouldn’t have gotten that at Marshall’s and I would have been short one smile yesterday. Thank you, Pamela.

I walked for about forty-five minutes and as I did, my thoughts turned to things other than shopping. I thought of minimalism and frugality, of mindfulness and the people in my life. I thought of the things that bring positivity and things that bring the opposite. I thought of things that fall into both categories- the people too. I made a mental list. At the end of my walk, I felt calmer. I went home and did some writing I’d been putting off. I watched an old Kate Kaden video on frugality and minimalism. I read some posts of Leo Babauta’s on his blog Zen Habits. I inched toward my center again. I felt my feet firmly on the ground.

This past year, I have learned a lot about myself, accepted a few glaring shortcomings, and been hit by realizations that probably could have been addressed by going to therapy at some point in time, but hey, maybe someday. And that’s a hard maybe. It takes a brave soul to speak your truth out loud to a real life person and I don’t know if I’d exactly be sorted into Gryffindor any old day of the week. I tend to internalize and the wisdom dawns slower, but it dawns all the same.

If you are a person who struggles with addiction and would like help, I hope you can recognize the strength that comes with reaching out to a loved one, a friend, a professional, a support group, heck-even reddit. There is not shame in seeking support and you are absolutely worth others’ time and energy.

Thanks for reading, friends. You are so loved and appreciated. Wishing you a February full of strength, clarity, gratitude, and all the good things! 💖

Health & Lifestyle · Healthy Habits · Minimalism

Gratitude

January 7, 2025January 7, 2025 Beth DeFries2 Comments

It’s January people and boy, oh boy, does it certainly feel like it here in NJ! I’ve got my warm socks, a chunky sweater, and a big hand-knit hat, that my sister in law made, to keep me nice and toasty while writing this. These comfies are adding a little extra security too as I’m not quite sure yet where this post is headed.

This morning, I put away the Christmas decor and the living room feels a little empty in a good way. I’m positive toward negative space. It’s easier on the eyes than our little tree with its warm white, twinkle lights. It’s easier on the mind too and I needed to get back into a writing headspace. The holidays were beautiful and festive and temporary and today felt like the day to store them away so they feel special again come next winter.

On New Year’s Eve, following spending a bit more than usual on shopping in December, I decided I would challenge myself to do a “no shop month” in January. It’s been a week and I’m finally starting to feel like I will actually be able to get through the challenge and possibly even stretch the end date. I don’t want to spend like I did in December, mostly because there is no need to anymore. It all comes down to gratitude, which I’ll get into more in a little bit.

Through the years, I have developed a strong understanding of my personal style, not to say that I have excellent style or anything. Style is subjective. Style can change based on different factors and experiences. The purpose of style is to send yourself out into the world feeling confident so you can accomplish big and little things without feeling self conscious or uncomfortable because of what you’re wearing. Everyone has a sense of personal style whether you recognize yours or not.

I may think that I dress well, but somebody else might disagree. I try not to concern myself though with the somebody else-s of the world when I put an outfit together. It doesn’t matter what somebody else thinks about my clothes so long as I like what I’m wearing and it makes me feel capable and confident. It’s when my clothes aren’t doing that anymore that indicates a time to take a step back and re-evaluate my wardrobe.

I have come to learn that many factors can influence personal style such as personality, budget, availability, occupation, hobbies, and, of course, size and appearance, among others. Back in the spring, I had a personal style that I understood cover to cover. I knew what silhouettes would flatter and conceal, which colors and patterns disguised the areas I preferred not to advertise, and which fabrics hung just so and made me feel like the best version of me.

My appearance has changed a little bit since spring and many of my old favorites don’t give me the confidence that they used to anymore. Many don’t hang just so or flatter. They swallow up a bit too much and there’s only so much a belt can do. Sometimes you just need to buy a few items to make you feel put together again. Hence, my December spree.

My body has a different shape now, a different influence on my mind than it used to, and a different influence on my sense of comfort and contentment. I am a different version of me than I was in the spring. Sometimes, looking back at old photos, it feels sort of like an out of body experience.

I am grateful to the former Beth for noticing the switch flip back in June when it came to questioning distorted hunger cues and unhealthy eating habits. That girl changed my life. I’d love to thank her, but I can’t. She is frozen in time in June looking at a photo of herself from a trip to Chicago, perched precariously on the precipice of something huge. I don’t know if anyone has ever shown up for me quite like that girl did. Certainly, no one has ever called me out on poor habits like she did. No one really could though, I guess. Some things can only come from within. Some things take discomfort to learn. Better her than me, am I right? I am proud of her though. I’m excited for her too, if it’s worth anything from where I stand in her future.

My body changed and my style floundered a bit for a while. It’s a weird feeling to be a size that I never fathomed associating with me. It’s a mental hurdle and a new adventure. I was never one for numbers. Now, I am Milo in Digitopolis with no Tock at my side. From bi-weekly weigh-ins to occasional measurements to money spent on new wardrobe items, it’s easy to get lost in the numbers, in the purchases and returns, in the bank account balance, gas mileage, and shipping and delivery dates. I need a break from numbers, frankly. The fun of shopping can quickly turn into buyer’s remorse and more work in the long run and I just don’t need that right now.

This January is going to be for other things. My wardrobe has all the things it needs and more. There’s no need to shop. I have learned to listen to need over want with my eating habits so much so that I am confident I can do that with my shopping habits as well. This month is for focusing on travel planning and writing, for cozy nights in on freezing days, for doing puzzles with my husband, for bundled-up walks in the crisp chilly air, and for experiencing all of life’s little moments with the presence and attention they deserve. I have all I need. I have all that matters. I am abundant with gratitude and that’s something you just can’t buy.

Health & Lifestyle · Healthy Habits

Healthier Habits Progress

October 29, 2024November 21, 2024 Beth DeFries2 Comments

Good evening, readers! I wrote a post back in June called Testing Healthier Habits and thought I’d share an update on the changes that have come from those habits thus far.

First, I think a little rewind is in order: At the beginning of June, I came to the realization that I was not familiar enough with the sensation of real hunger to differentiate between real hunger and false hunger or “hunger”. I’ll explain a little more on that in a bit. I was feeling generally positive about my appearance when this realization came to me one day from nowhere in particular. I felt “hungry” all of the time and did not realize that what my brain communicates as hunger is oftentimes some other need or emotion in disguise. In other words, there was a lot of constant “food noise” in my head that I did not know how to quiet down other than by eating.

I would feed my “hunger” immediately regardless of whether my body needed the nutrients and fuel or not, just figuring I’d gotten the unlucky end of the stick when it came to appetite. I had a firm belief that I would always be a bit overweight and that any weight loss method would be too uncomfortable to offer a permanent solution. I wasn’t “lucky” like those “naturally skinny” people. In adopting the healthier habits, that I’ll go over soon- I promise, I did not intend to embark on a weight loss journey, but embark I did, and let me tell you, it’s been a truly transformative ride.

At the start, I did not even intend to weigh myself because I was more interested in the effect my changes would have on my relationship with food and eating as well as my sleep, productivity, and overall daily comfort than I was in the number on the scale or the size on the tag of my clothes. It wasn’t until Mike joined me in my habits that I dusted off the scale- literally- and felt ready to face that music.

The number was 14.4 pounds higher than I guessed it would be and I didn’t guess very low, you guys. It was not the highest number I’ve ever seen on the scale when weighing myself, but it was close and I was surprised by it. I wondered how close I was to my healthy weight range according to the BMI (Body Mass Index) scale and plugged my height and weight into the Harvard BMI Calculator. Some view BMI as an insufficient representation of health on its own. There is more to health than a number on the scale, sure, but I believe that getting closer to a “normal” BMI can only help when it comes to avoiding health risks down the line that are known to be associated with carrying excess body fat.

A “normal” BMI range is 18.5-24.9. My BMI that day was 30.76, which is classified as “obese”. I was 37.4 lbs over the highest end of my healthy weight range. Seeing an obese BMI for my metrics wasn’t upsetting; it was simply data for my experiment. I’d say I was more shocked than anything else because obesity looked smaller to me than how it is widely represented in American culture. I had been sure that I was simply overweight, but that was not the case in reality.

The new knowledge of my BMI classification and having a somewhat concrete goal in mind kicked my little experiment into a higher gear. Could I get to the healthy BMI range simply by continuing the healthy habits that I’d already implemented?

Here’s a list of the habits that I practice:

Reducing portion size: I eat what I like to call “time portions”, usually to get me through a duration of four hours at a time. It took about a week to figure out the appropriate time portion for my body. I felt hungry after approximately 3.5 hours and so I let the hunger settle for a bit so I can continue to recognize that feeling for what it is and eat a small meal soon after.
Eat balanced meals: My meals are usually a combination of protein, fruit/vegetable, carbohydrates, and fat. They fill a small cereal bowl or a 6” to 8” plate.
Stay hydrated with zero calorie beverages: I drink more water, seltzer, and tea than ever before. Sometimes my brain communicates a false hunger signal when really, I’m just thirsty.
Learn your true hunger cues: Feeling “hungry”? Are you sure you’re not bored, tired, sad, restless, craving something because it’s there? It’s so weird how physical needs and emotions that aren’t hunger can lead you to the pantry or refrigerator without knowing how you got there. Food is a temporary fix for regulating your emotions. Ask yourself if that snack is going to make you feel better in 30 minutes, an hour, three hours and maybe get some water and watch a YouTube video instead.
Reduce intake of Highly Processed Foods, when possible: Cereal, nuggets, I’m lookin’ at you. I eat pretty much whatever I want (in much smaller quantities than before), but will confess that cereal and chicken nuggets are too irresistible to me to keep in the house. They are not off limits, however, I know that they are not going to fill me up as well as less processed foods will and so I do not buy them nearly as frequently as I used to.
Move more: As the saying goes, “You can’t outrun a bad diet,” but you can improve your strength and endurance such that you burn more calories at rest than you would if you didn’t work out. Pick a form of exercise that does not feel like a chore (or one that feels least like a chore.) Yes- of course walking counts!
Drink Less Alcohol: I love a cold beer, a glass of wine, or a nice whiskey, but know that alcohol will trick my brain into feeling hungry. Unfortunately, alcohol is loaded with calories and I’d rather put those calories toward a four hour meal or a little dessert at the end of the day. I have tried some excellent non-alcoholic beers which are less high in calories than their alcoholic competitors and they are a game changer, particularly in social settings. Athletic Brewing has some great options!
Find activities that aren’t food-centric for entertainment: Going out to eat was once a primary activity that I would plan for entertainment. In trying to find more active ways to adventure, I have rekindled a love of hiking and going to concerts. I try to remember that food is nourishment more than it is entertainment.
Feed false hunger in healthier ways: This one goes hand in hand with learning your true hunger cues. I have learned that having a seltzer, going for a walk, or watching a YouTube video on a subject I enjoy to be just as satisfying, if not more, than a snack used to be.

The results so far:

Weight loss: As of my last weigh-in, I have lost 31.4lbs and am 6 pounds from my healthy weight range according to the BMI scale.
Zero heartburn: I haven’t used an antacid since the beginning of June. Tomatoes are delicious and no longer dangerous! Yay!
Improved skin: Less scalp dryness and cleaner skin.
Better sleep: I used to have trouble getting comfortable at night and it would take a little while to fall asleep. Now I fall asleep pretty immediately.
Confusion around personal style: I used to know exactly where to go in a store to find something that fit and would gravitate towards styles that disguised the more “cushioned” parts of my body. I am not sure exactly now how something will look on me when shopping so there is a lot more trial and error and a lot more trying closer fitting styles I would not have felt comfortable in before.
Reduced Pain: I was having pain this past year, while running and walking, in my foot which I injured back in 2017. Since losing weight, I am relieved to say that the pain has become less significant to the point where I have noticed zero pain this past month.

Things I wish I knew before starting on this health journey that would have made it a little easier:

The first few days to a week are REALLY HARD. You need to be prepared to be uncomfortable for this span of time. Some days will feel harder than others. HOLD FAST; you’ll get through it soon enough!
The discomfort that comes with the first week of reducing your portion sizes is TEMPORARY. The food noise quiets down over time and your healthy habits become satisfying and feel normal.
You won’t feel hungry forever.
“Full” just means not hungry, not that “overstuffed; I can’t eat another bite” feeling that I thought it meant.
You can eat the foods you like and still lose weight, you just have to eat less of them and you have to recognize that sometimes, certain foods are manufactured to be “more palatable” and increase your false appetite so you keep eating/buying them. Those tricksters!
Tracking calories is not necessary if you are feeding your body appropriate amounts of “real food”. Find a smaller plate than you normally use to help get you started on proper portion control.
Weight loss is a game of patience.
Many “naturally healthy” people simply grew up eating appropriate portion sizes and have outlets outside of food to help regulate their emotions. Proper nutrition may just be what they were taught from the start and they did not have to battle “food scarcity” or “clean plate” mentality like many Americans grew up learning.

While I am happy to have gotten the internal kickstart to begin this health journey, I know how daunting the idea of approaching weight loss can be when you have a little more meat on your bones than what’s considered “normal”. I had temporary success a couple of times in the past using Weight Watchers and am curious to see if my current lifestyle changes will be more lasting in the long-term.

I have read misconceptions associating obesity with laziness, but I can’t agree with those. Obesity equals a lot of emotions, but I wouldn’t pair it with laziness. It takes a lot of strength to carry excess weight around every minute of every day. If it is your desire to become physically healthier, you will have the capability and drive to get yourself there. It is scary not knowing how to get started, mostly because determining whether to start is a highly personal experience. Only you can do it for you. I think it is also important to remember that no matter what level of physical health at which you begin, it is equally important to nourish your mental health. Be positive about the current you, whatever that looks like, and recognize that you are a miracle at any size. Even if your appearance changes, you will still be the same person, so love the you that you are even before you begin.

I am not a doctor; I am simply sharing the findings on habits that have been working for me. If you are thinking about getting started on a health journey of your own, I wish you strength (especially in that first week), revelation, and joy along the way. You can do this if you want to; just take it one hunger cue at a time and you’ll recognize some changes of your own before you know it; I’m sure.

Health & Lifestyle · Healthy Habits · Mental Health

How to be Happy

July 23, 2024November 21, 2024 Beth DeFriesLeave a comment

While organizing my digital files, I stumbled across a document titled How to be Happy. The memory of creating that document rushed back to me and gave my heart a less than gentle squeeze.

Once again, I was seated at our Ikea table in our Williamsburg apartment, trying to grasp any sort of hold on joy. I was working in a job that made me unhappy, living in a city that was someone else’s dream home, and had lost pretty much all touch with my creativity.

The list I wrote called out the dreams, the have nots, the wants. Some items were simple such as move to an apartment with laundry access. Some were more difficult like find a new job in a creative or educational field, live by the water, or get back into writing. I’d wandered off the marked trail and was lost amid a dense forest of skyscrapers, high rises, brownstones, and warehouses- all my breadcrumbs scattered at my feet, awaiting someone to find and rescue me.

There’s a line from Trampled by Turtles’ Widower’s Heart that resonates with me every time I hear it, “New York was a rough place that treated me well.” Sometimes it makes me feel a little guilty for having wanted to leave.

I did a lot of growing up in New York. It was a haven from Baltimore throughout college and it was home afterwards. It facilitated me meeting a group of friends that I can’t imagine my future without. Though grimy, tough, and loud, New York was good to me and I will always love it deeply. It’s not home anymore, however, and I’ve got to admit I prefer it that way.

Live by the water.

We were deep into searching for a new apartment in Brooklyn in January 2020 when a home that we’d been eyeing just for fun dropped in price on Zillow. We scheduled a viewing, rented a car from JFK, and took a drive out to New Jersey just to see it. The pictures hadn’t done the view justice, an observation since echoed by every new visitor we’ve ever had.

We went for drinks at a local brewery to think the idea over knowing it would be crazy if we bought the first place we ever looked at after having looked exclusively at apartments for rent in New York. We were renters. Renters didn’t have to deal with home repairs. Renters didn’t have to pay property taxes. Renters lived in tiny apartments in Brooklyn hoping to be able to afford a miniscule view of the East River.

The idea of buying seemed more sensical as we talked and sipped, but often harkened back to but it would be crazy… right?

It all came down to happiness. While New York was good to me and Mike would never feel the need to live anywhere else, he knew, more than I did, that I’d be much happier living by the water and, as is often the case, he was right.

I am a person who puts myself last in most situations. Why? Because I don’t like putting other people in a place where they have to experience discomfort. I’d rather be the uncomfortable one. It’s fucked up, yes, but it’s true and I’m working on it. Sometimes it takes someone else looking in to notice the effect of constant self-pressure. Sometimes it takes someone else to open their mouth and say it’s ok; we can leave New York. Sometimes it takes someone who loves you a whole lot to make you feel worthy of the change you know is necessary.

So we did something crazy. We bought the first and only home we’d thought about purchasing and moved to New Jersey. We escaped living through the pandemic in New York and instead lived in a place with fresh air and quiet outside the door. I like to think that that wasn’t a terrible consolation for Mike.

My love for New Jersey has very deep roots. There was something about coming home that was instantly calming- something about the water and the moonrise and the trees. I started to write again even though I didn’t feel confident in it. Confidence comes from practice. Confidence comes from having the courage to try.

I thought I’d make a new list to stumble across sometime in the future, perhaps a more general one in case you happen to stumble across it too.

How to be Happy:

Be kind to your body. You’ve only got one.
Prioritize sleep.
Take difficult responsibilities one day or one step or one micro-step at a time.
Move your body every day in a way that works for you.
Commit to exercising good bodily and dental hygiene practices.
Don’t overspend on finances, time, and energy.
End each day with a positive thought or reflection. If you can’t think of one, look up positive affirmations online to jog your memory.
Don’t bury your emotions. Listen to them. Voice them. Address them. You feel them for a reason.
Forgive yourself for your mistakes. You are human. Erring is inevitable, but you are capable of learning and improving.
Know that change is possible, no matter how difficult.
Keep empty space on your calendar. It’s ok to say no to social engagements.
Take a break from screens. Read, go for a walk, listen to music, work on a puzzle, make a new recipe, whatever puts a smile on your face and keeps your brain occupied.
Stop comparing yourself to others. Your uniqueness is amazing and beautiful. Anyone who says otherwise doesn’t deserve an ounce of your attention.
Don’t expect the worst of people. Chances are you are harder on yourself than anyone else would dare to be.
Know that someone, somewhere loves you exactly as you are (likely lots of someones in lots of somewheres).

I hope this post helps you if you are feeling lost in the forest like I was. Your happiness is a worthy cause and it is possible. Breathe. Allow yourself to feel everything, even the difficult things. Give yourself a break. Scatter your breadcrumbs at your feet. You are capable of your own rescue.

Health & Lifestyle · Healthy Habits

Testing Healthier Habits

June 20, 2024November 21, 2024 Beth DeFries3 Comments

My focus for the past couple of weeks, during a break from my big writing project, has shifted to healthier habits and how to establish their foundations. The main issue for me is hunger, or rather “hunger” and not knowing when my sensation of being hungry is true or masking some other physical need or emotion.

I have come to learn that people experience hunger and fullness in a spectrum of ways and at different intensities. Some lucky people have an automatic physical cue mid-meal that tells them to stop eating while some people don’t feel full until well after finishing a meal and may suffer the uncomfortable effects of overeating. Some people feel “hungry” on a constant basis when really they may be thirsty, bored, anxious, tired, or sad. For as long as I can remember, I belong to this last camp, but I’ve been working on questioning my hunger and emotional cues to better recognize them for what they actually are. It’s not easy; I’ll tell you that, but it is getting less hard each day.

It’s uncomfortable to feel hungry all of the time, even when you are “fake hungry”. Your brain wants you to feel happy and eating releases dopamine to make you feel good. It’s not cozy to be uncomfortable and you all know that being cozy is a high priority of mine. Comfort is a necessity for coziness, in my opinion. And yet, I am sitting here now feeling cozy despite adopting healthier habits that I’ll get into more in a little bit.

Feeling my own emotions is one thing; they are a mauling bear sometimes. Food is a quick fix. I am great at multitasking when it comes to being emotional and hungry. Fun, right? My sense of empathy takes things over the top though. If I am in proximity to someone who is anxious or sad, it’s a little contagious and guess what? I feel hungry. Yay empathy!

My brain often tells me that I’m hungry when I’m not and because of it, I have a seasoned history of overindulging on things like groceries, eating out, calories, energy, and time. Hunger can be distracting and irritating for me. Satisfying a craving offers immediate, albeit temporary, gratification and relief.

I have learned that when I am truly hungry, I am not picky. The craving for true hunger is for nourishment, not for a particular taste. Certain foods do a better job at filling up real hunger while others trick you into eating more without providing the nutrients that your real hunger craves, so you will keep feeling hungry. Put the chips away! Those crunchy tricksters.

I haven’t had a drop of coffee since my last post and if you are a dedicated reader, you know it’s been a while since I’ve shared here, and you also know that I was a coffee addict. I feel better without coffee, honestly- less anxious. I am sleeping well and wake up energized as opposed to reliant on my next caffeine fix. Besides, my taste perception of coffee has changed from finding it delicious to finding it unpalatably bitter. It was my cue to lay off the bean juice for a while.

I am drinking less alcohol too and more water and am feeling and seeing the effects. My skin feels cleaner and brighter, my sleep – less interrupted, my scalp- less dry and itchy. Who knew that all this time relief for dandruff could be a side effect of proper nourishment? Let’s be real, probably many, many people. It just took me a while to trip over the wisdom and notice it.

Adopting healthy habits can feel like an insurmountable chore from the onset. This is the first time it hasn’t felt like that for me. I’m not “on a diet” and I’m not cutting out any foods for good. I am asking myself questions about how I feel when my body signals hunger. I am making choices based on that assessment. I am slowly figuring out my own hunger cues knowing that mine might be different from other people’s. I am sharing with you, because seeing it in my own writing always helps me to make sense of things.

If you are someone who struggles with frequent, false hunger and food cravings, I feel you. I understand the sense that achieving a healthier lifestyle can feel like a hopeless dream sometimes. Let me be one to remind you that the perfect body type doesn’t exist. Beauty and healthy bodies take many shapes and forms. Focus on baby steps and you’ll notice they can take you much further than you think. Talk with your “hunger” cues. Ask them if they are real and maybe your body will get back on speaking terms with you.

Here are a few strategies that I have practiced in order to assess my state of hunger before reaching for food.

Take a short walk or move around.
Talk to or text a friend or family member.
Have a glass of water.
Watch a YouTube video on a subject you enjoy.
Complete something on your to-do list.
Don’t deny yourself foods you love; they make you happy. You deserve to be happy, not deprived.
Try reaching for 3/4 or 1/2 of the portion of a snack you would normally have and save the rest for later.
Settle into the discomfort and hangriness of being hungry so you can recognize it for what it really means. Feel it and question it. Are you bored? Are you anxious? Thirsty? Needs and emotions like this can manifest as hunger.
Have a cup of tea or seltzer; it may feel more substantial than plain water.
Take it one meal at a time and don’t get discouraged if the first few days are really difficult. It gets easier.
Put your typical portion size on your plate and see if eating without distractions of television or phones quiets down the world enough for your body to hear you question if you are full. No one is making you throw the food away. Get some foil or Tupperware and put the rest away for a snack later on. You will be glad for it then!

I am not a medical professional so these tips are simply based on exercises that I have found helpful in my own experiment with adopting healthy habits. I want to feel good in my body because I’ve only got this one and there are people out there who care about me that I want to be around for for a long, long time.

I want to say thank you so much for reading my posts. Writing this was a nice distraction from false hunger this morning.

On another note, some friends alerted me to the difficulties of commenting on these blog posts so I have updated the comment settings for anyone so inclined (Thank you Jean and Darlene!). You all inspire me to be creative and I would love to hear from you. Hope you all have a beautiful, fulfilling, and filling day!